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  1. #16

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    Re: Got a Good Joke? We all need a laugh from time to time...

    A saleswoman was driving toward home in Northern Arizona when she saw an Indian woman hitchhiking. Since the trip had been long and quiet, she stopped the car and the Indian woman got in. After a bit of small talk, the Indian woman noticed a brown bag on the front seat.

    "What's in the bag?" she asked.

    "It's a bottle of wine. I got it for my husband," said the saleswoman.

    The Indian woman was silent for a while and then said, "Good trade."
    Quote Originally Posted by Grumpee View Post
    I only care for Disney bling!

  2. #17

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    Re: Got a Good Joke? We all need a laugh from time to time...

    Quote Originally Posted by Duck44 View Post
    A saleswoman was driving toward home in Northern Arizona when she saw an Indian woman hitchhiking. Since the trip had been long and quiet, she stopped the car and the Indian woman got in. After a bit of small talk, the Indian woman noticed a brown bag on the front seat.

    "What's in the bag?" she asked.

    "It's a bottle of wine. I got it for my husband," said the saleswoman.

    The Indian woman was silent for a while and then said, "Good trade."


  3. #18

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    Re: Got a Good Joke? We all need a laugh from time to time...

    These are great!

    I don't have any though.
    "But every night, when it gets dark
    and the stars come out,
    I'll look up on her behalf.
    I'll look up in the sky and think of you."






  4. #19

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    Re: Got a Good Joke? We all need a laugh from time to time...

    Quote Originally Posted by SummerInFL View Post
    My favorite joke ever. Clean but dirty.



    A little boy and little girl are playing in the playground. The little boy walks up to the little girl and lifts his shirt saying, "I have two of these." The little girl lifts up her shirt and says, "I have two of those too!"

    Little boy pulls down his pants and goes, "Oh yeah, well I have one of these." Little girl pulls down her pants and goes running home crying to her momma...

    Next day same little boy and little girl are playing in the playground. Little boy walks up to the little girl, lifts up his shirt and says, "I've got two of these." Little girl lifts up her shirts and goes, "I have two of those too!"

    Little boy pulls down his pants and says, "I've got one of these!" Little girl pulls down her pants and goes....

    "Oh yeah, well my momma told me as long as I have one of these I can have AS MANY OF THOSE AS I WANT!"
    Clean but dirty? Is that like saying a car is black but white?
    "Pain is temporary, Film is Forever..."

    http://www.youtube.com/user/DisneyDude




  5. #20

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    Re: Got a Good Joke? We all need a laugh from time to time...

    Quote Originally Posted by PanTheMan View Post
    Naaaa, that stays down in the Debate lounge.....
    ----------------------------------------------------------

    So a Priest and a Nun are riding a Camel through the Desert. 100 miles from anywhere the Camel drops dead. certain of death the Priest and Nun begin a conversation. The priest says "in all my life, I have never seen a woman naked, that is something I would like to see before i die." The nun figures why not and raises her robes. the preist says "Thank you Sister, I can now die in peace."

    Now it's the Nuns Turn. She says,"Well Father, i have never seen a man naked, could you return me the favor?" The priest figures why not, and disrobes exposing his HUGE member. The Nun says "Oh my! What is that?" the Priest , now getting a bit braver, says, "Oh Sister, it is the Staff of Life, whatever i stick it into, it creates life."

    Spoiler

    The Nun then says "Wel then, Stick it in that damn Camel and lets get the hell out of here!"....
    lucky camel

    Quote Originally Posted by ToyGuy View Post
    A guy and his wife were sitting at a table at his high school reunion. They kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.

    The wife asks "Do you know her?"

    The guy says "Yes," sighs "She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasen't been sober since."

    "My God!" say the wife, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"

    Quote Originally Posted by OogieBoogie View Post
    2 carrots were walking down the street. A car accidently hits one. The ambulance comes and takes the wounded carrot to the hospital where the doctors try to save the carrots life. After 6 hours the doctor comes out to the waiting room where the other carrot has been wating frantically.

    'Doctor, what about my friend? Will he be all right?' the carrot asks the doctor.

    The doctor takes off his mask, wipes his brow, and says 'I have some good news and some bad news'.

    'The good news is that your friend will be ok'.

    'the bad news is that he'll be a vegetable the rest of his life'.


    Quote Originally Posted by SummerInFL View Post
    My favorite joke ever. Clean but dirty.



    A little boy and little girl are playing in the playground. The little boy walks up to the little girl and lifts his shirt saying, "I have two of these." The little girl lifts up her shirt and says, "I have two of those too!"

    Little boy pulls down his pants and goes, "Oh yeah, well I have one of these." Little girl pulls down her pants and goes running home crying to her momma...

    Next day same little boy and little girl are playing in the playground. Little boy walks up to the little girl, lifts up his shirt and says, "I've got two of these." Little girl lifts up her shirts and goes, "I have two of those too!"

    Little boy pulls down his pants and says, "I've got one of these!" Little girl pulls down her pants and goes....

    "Oh yeah, well my momma told me as long as I have one of these I can have AS MANY OF THOSE AS I WANT!"


    Quote Originally Posted by Duck44 View Post
    A saleswoman was driving toward home in Northern Arizona when she saw an Indian woman hitchhiking. Since the trip had been long and quiet, she stopped the car and the Indian woman got in. After a bit of small talk, the Indian woman noticed a brown bag on the front seat.

    "What's in the bag?" she asked.

    "It's a bottle of wine. I got it for my husband," said the saleswoman.

    The Indian woman was silent for a while and then said, "Good trade."
    best one today

  6. #21

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    Re: Got a Good Joke? We all need a laugh from time to time...

    a couple of blonde jokes; and, yes, I am a blonde.
    AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE
    A young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her
    body hurt wherever she touched it. "Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show
    me." The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed,
    then she pushed her elbow and screamed in even more. She pushed her knee
    and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she
    touched made her scream. The doctor said, "You're not really a redhead, are
    you? "Well, no" she said, "I'm actually a blonde." "I thought so," the
    doctor said. "Your finger is broken."

    Distance
    Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench
    talking....... And one blonde says to the other, "Which do you
    think is farther away...Florida or the moon?" The other blonde
    turns and says "Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida...?????"

    CAR TROUBLE
    A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the
    mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is
    idling smoothly. She says, "What's the story?" He replies,
    "Just crap in the carburetor" She asks, "How often do I have to
    do that?"

  7. #22

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    Re: Got a Good Joke? We all need a laugh from time to time...

    Quote Originally Posted by sueb View Post
    a couple of blonde jokes; and, yes, I am a blonde.
    AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE
    A young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her
    body hurt wherever she touched it. "Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show
    me." The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed,
    then she pushed her elbow and screamed in even more. She pushed her knee
    and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she
    touched made her scream. The doctor said, "You're not really a redhead, are
    you? "Well, no" she said, "I'm actually a blonde." "I thought so," the
    doctor said. "Your finger is broken."

    Distance
    Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench
    talking....... And one blonde says to the other, "Which do you
    think is farther away...Florida or the moon?" The other blonde
    turns and says "Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida...?????"

    CAR TROUBLE
    A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the
    mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is
    idling smoothly. She says, "What's the story?" He replies,
    "Just crap in the carburetor" She asks, "How often do I have to
    do that?"

    ok, mom and I both loved these were still laughing

  8. #23

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    Re: Got a Good Joke? We all need a laugh from time to time...

    Here's a few more (many people send them to me... hmmm I wonder how I should take that)
    SPEEDING TICKET
    A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very
    nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I
    wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you
    take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to
    you!"

    RIVER WALK
    There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and
    sees another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo!" she
    shouts, "How can I get to the other side?" The second blonde
    looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, "You
    ARE on the other side."

    KNITTING
    A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the
    freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the
    blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was
    oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the Trooper cranked
    down his window turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!"
    "NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"

  9. #24

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    Re: Got a Good Joke? We all need a laugh from time to time...

    KNITTING
    A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the
    freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the
    blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was
    oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the Trooper cranked
    down his window turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!"
    "NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"



    soooo funny!!

  10. #25

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    Re: Got a Good Joke? We all need a laugh from time to time...

    How do you get a Elephant in a safeway shopping cart?

    Take the S out of Safe and the F out of way.

    Say it outloud it'll help





    Spoiler
    You'll notice that there's no f in way. As in there's no f'in way. Get it?

  11. #26

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    Re: Got a Good Joke? We all need a laugh from time to time...

    I first heard that years ago...pretty funny if people don't ruin it by saying "i don't get it"
    "Pain is temporary, Film is Forever..."

    http://www.youtube.com/user/DisneyDude




  12. #27

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    Re: Got a Good Joke? We all need a laugh from time to time...

    Two blondes were walking through the woods when one looked down and said "Oh, look at the deer tracks." The other blonde looks and says "Those aren't deer tracks, those are wolf tracks." "No. Those are deer tracks." They keep arguing, and arguing, and one half hour later they were both killed by a train.

    Q: How did the dumb blonde break her leg raking leaves?
    A: She fell out of the tree.


    This has been a Filmways presentation dahling.

  13. #28

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    Re: Got a Good Joke? We all need a laugh from time to time...

    Q: What's the mating call of the blonde?
    A: "I'm *sooo* drunk!"

    Q: What is the mating call of the ugly blonde?
    A: (Screaming) "I said: I'm drunk!"


    This has been a Filmways presentation dahling.

  14. #29

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    Re: Got a Good Joke? We all need a laugh from time to time...

    [quote=sueb;1352703]a couple of blonde jokes; and, yes, I am a blonde.
    quote]
    Quote Originally Posted by Grumpee View Post
    I only care for Disney bling!

  15. #30

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    Re: Got a Good Joke? We all need a laugh from time to time...

    If a girl with big boobs works at "Hooters", where does a girl with only one leg work at?

    Spoiler
    IHOP!


    I heard this joke on "2 & 1/2 Men"

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