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  1. #46

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    Re: Got a Good Joke? We all need a laugh from time to time...

    So, a horse walks into a bar, and the bartender asks, "Hey buddy, why the long face?"





    [The joke works equally well if you substitute the horse with John Kerry.]
    Fight On! Beat the Bears!

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  2. #47

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    Re: Got a Good Joke? We all need a laugh from time to time...

    Quote Originally Posted by SusieP. View Post
    What's brown and sticky?

    A stick.


    A branch manager must have came up with that joke.
    To Boldly Go Where No MiceChatter Has Gone Before!


  3. #48

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    Re: Got a Good Joke? We all need a laugh from time to time...

    Quote Originally Posted by steamboatpete View Post
    So, a horse walks into a bar, and the bartender asks, "Hey buddy, why the long face?"





    [The joke works equally well if you substitute the horse with John Kerry.]


    Do Kerry on.
    To Boldly Go Where No MiceChatter Has Gone Before!


  4. #49

    • Huh?
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    Re: Got a Good Joke? We all need a laugh from time to time...

    What's brown and sounds like a bell?

    Dung.
    -Tim

  5. #50

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    Re: Got a Good Joke? We all need a laugh from time to time...

    For those of you who are visual learners:

    Good morning, son
    In twenty years from now
    Maybe we'll both sit down and have a few beers
    And I can tell you 'bout today
    And how I picked you up and everything changed
    It was pain
    Sunny days and rain
    I knew you'd feel the same things...





  6. #51

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    Re: Got a Good Joke? We all need a laugh from time to time...

    Why is there no Disneyland in China?

    Spoiler
    No one's tall enough to go on the good rides.
    Quote Originally Posted by Grumpee View Post
    I only care for Disney bling!

  7. #52

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    Re: Got a Good Joke? We all need a laugh from time to time...

    Another blonde joke:
    A young blonde woman decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse, unassisted, and the horse immediately springs into action. As it gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, the blonde begins to slip from the saddle... In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway! The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to its slipping rider. Finally, losing her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from
    the horse and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot becomes entangled in the stirrup, and she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over and over. Her head is battered against the ground and she is mere moments away from unconsciousness, when, to her great fortune, Frank, the WalMart greeter, sees her and unplugs the horse.

  8. #53

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    Re: Got a Good Joke? We all need a laugh from time to time...

    Water to wine
    An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding. The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car. He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?" "Just water," says the priest. The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?" The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's done it again!"


    Lost at Sea
    Two Irishmen, Patrick & Michael, were adrift in a lifeboat following a dramatic escape from a burning freighter. While rummaging through the boat's provisions, Patrick stumbled across an old lamp. Secretly hoping that a genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously. To the amazement of Patrick, a genie came forth. This particular genie, however, stated that he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three. Without giving much thought to the matter, Patrick blurted out, "Make the entire ocean into Guinness Beer!" The genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the entire sea turned into the finest brew ever sampled by mortals. Simultaneously, the genie vanished. Only the gentle lapping of Guinness on the hull broke the stillness as the two men considered their circumstances. Michael looked disgustedly at Patrick whose wish had been granted. After a long, tension-filled moment, he spoke: "Nice going Patrick! Now we're going to have to pee in the boat!


    KISS ON THE TRAIN
    An Irishman, an Englishman and Claudia Schiffer were sitting together in a carriage in a train. Suddenly the train went through a tunnel and as it was an old style train, there were no lights in the carriages and it went completely dark. Then there was a kissing noise and the sound of a really loud slap.
    When the train came out of the tunnel, Claudia Schiffer and the Irishman were sitting as if nothing had happened and the Englishman had his hand against his face as he had been slapped there.

    The Englishman was thinking, "The Irish fella must have kissed Claudia Schiffer and she missed him and slapped me instead."
    Claudia Schiffer was thinking, "The English fella must have tried to kiss me and actually kissed the Irishman and got slapped for it."
    And the Irishman was thinking, "This is great. The next time the train goes through a tunnel I'll make another kissing noise and slap that Englishman again."


    50th ANNIVERSARY
    Three old Irishmen were chatting at a bar. One of them said; Hay O’Grady! Isn't this your 50th anniversary?

    O’Grady replies, “Yep”.

    “Well”, his friend asked, “what are you planning on doing?”

    O’Grady replies, “Well! I remember taking my wife to Arizona on our 25th anniversary.”

    The other old timer asked, “Oh ya, so what are your plans for your 50th anniversary?”

    O’Grady replies, “I'm going back to pick her up!!!!!!!”




    Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door.

    "Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin' to tell ya".

    "Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim. But where's my husband?"

    "That's what I'm here to be telling ya, Brenda." There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery..."

    "Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me."

    "I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry.

    Finally, she looked up at Tim. "How did it happen, Tim?"

    "It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and drowned."

    "Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me true, Tim. Did he at least go quickly?"
    "Well, Brenda... no. In fact, he got out three times to pee."







  9. #54

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    Re: Got a Good Joke? We all need a laugh from time to time...

    Quote Originally Posted by Duck44 View Post
    Why is there no Disneyland in China?

    Spoiler
    No one's tall enough to go on the good rides.
    That joke might be funnier if there wasn't a Disneyland in China.
    Fight On! Beat the Bears!

    Tom Chaney Memorial Debate Lounge Quote of the Week:

    [None]
    The brick walls are there to stop the people who don't want it badly enough - Randy Pausch

  10. #55

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    Re: Got a Good Joke? We all need a laugh from time to time...

    How do you get your girlfriend to stop giving you *******s?






    Marry her.
    Looking for the truth about giraffes? http://www.menacinggiraffes.blogspot.com/

  11. #56

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    Re: Got a Good Joke? We all need a laugh from time to time...

    Spot the Female.

    Quote Originally Posted by Grumpee View Post
    I only care for Disney bling!

  12. #57

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    Re: Got a Good Joke? We all need a laugh from time to time...

    A man was at the country club for his weekly round of golf. He began His round with an eagle on the first hole and a birdie on the second. On the third hole he had just scored his first ever hole-in-one when his cell phone rang. It was a doctor notifying him that his wife had just been in a Terrible accident and was in critical condition and in the ICU. The man told the doctor to inform his wife where he was and that the he'd be there as soon as possible. As he hung up he realized he was leaving what was shaping up to be his best ever round of golf. He decided to get in a couple of more holes before heading to the hospital. He ended up playing all eighteen, finishing his round shooting a personal best 61, shattering the club record by five strokes and beating his previous best game by more than 10. He was jubilant.... Then he remembered his wife. Feeling guilty he dashed to the hospital. He saw the doctor in the corridor and asked about his wife's condition. The doctor glared at him and shouted, "You went ahead and finished Your round of golf didn't you! "I hope you're proud of yourself! While you were out for the past four hours enjoying yourself at the country club your wife has been languishing in the ICU! It's just as well you went ahead and finished that round because it will be more than likely your last!" "For the rest of her life she will require 'round the clock care. And you'll be her care giver!" The man was feeling so guilty he broke down and sobbed The doctor snickered and said, "Just messin' with you. She's dead. What'd you shoot?"
    -----------------------------------------------
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  13. #58

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    Re: Got a Good Joke? We all need a laugh from time to time...

    Why do chicken coups only have 2 doors?!?!?!







    Because if they had 4 doors it would be a sedan!!!

  14. #59

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    Re: Got a Good Joke? We all need a laugh from time to time...

    Q: Where did the sheep go for a haircut?

    A: The Baa Baa shop.


    I laugh at that one every time...

  15. #60

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    Re: Got a Good Joke? We all need a laugh from time to time...

    Joke: Who has the mst friends for lunch?

    Answer
    Spoiler
    A Canable


    AS WE GO ON, WE REMEMBER


    all the [ t i m e s ] we had together . && as
    our lives change, from // whatever. we will
    still be - - - - >> friends forever

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