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  1. #1

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    High school essays

    Sorry for the annoying format! It is worth reading in spite of it.

    Every year, English teachers from across the USA are asked to submit their
    collections of analogies and metaphors found in high school essays. These
    excerpts are published each year to the amusement of many. Here are
    last year's winners:




    His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.




    He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one
    of those boxes with a pinhole in it.




    She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.






    She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.



    Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.



    He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.



    The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly
    surcharge-free ATM machine.



    The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.



    McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.



    From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and
    Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.



    Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.




    The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.



    Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.



    They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.



    John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.



    He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.



    Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.



    Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.



    The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.



    The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.



    He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.



    The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.



    It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.



    He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

  2. #2

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    Re: High school essays


    Those remind me of The Far Side comics. Thanks for posting this.

  3. #3

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    Re: High school essays

    Thanks for a good laugh. Those were great.

  4. #4

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    Re: High school essays

    Those are great
    I'm quite fond of this one
    Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.



    Delta Mu Chi Alpha ΔΜΧΑ

  5. #5

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    Re: High school essays

    HDAlien

    -----------------------------------------------------
    "I dream of the day when you can go to a drive through, purchase alcohol, tobacco, and bullets, and use them all before you get home" -- Dogbert

  6. #6

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    Re: High school essays

    Quote Originally Posted by dsnylndmom View Post
    Those are great
    I'm quite fond of this one
    Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
    I completely agree, this one is totally classic. Just like my Father in Laws 56 Chevy :-).

  7. #7

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    Re: High school essays



    Not listed here, but my AP US History teacher tells us these.

    My favorite was: Reconstruction after the civil war took off like a girl's dress on prom night.
    DISNEYLAND GUY

  8. #8

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    Re: High school essays

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