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  1. #1

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    The Stress Factor - {my vent}

    {VENTING}
    Well, I'm completely stressed......about everything. Finances...my health, my son, my wife.....finances.....my job.....etc.

    I think the last 7 months or so have been pretty wild. I mean let's look back:

    Oct 06 - I become a father
    Nov 06 - I get diagnosed with cancer
    Jan 07 - cancer treatment begins/ I go on medical disability
    Jan 07 - wife resigns from job in order to now take care of me as well as our newborn son
    Jan 07 - my car falls apart
    Jan 07 - wife's grandmother diagnosed with cancer
    Feb-May 07 - getting through the various treatments has been a bear - not fun - energy level plummets
    May 07 - I get hospitalized for 5 days because of pneumonia
    May 07 - bills are piling up - medical bills, credit card bills(which we have not used frivolously, but get the necessities of life, like a new 'big boy' carseat for my son, clothes when he needs them...gas for the car etc and so on).

    I don't mean to complain - I have gone through all of the above mentioned stuff with a smile on my face. I really have. People comment on how I have taken this all so well, but the fact of the matter is, I can't take it anymore. It's so difficult - and wife and I are thinking that we may need to move in with my folks to get a handle on all of it otherwise we'll be out on the street. On top of all of this, I have heard negative stuff about my company - possible lay offs and such - and I am on medical leave, so how does that affect me? And if I lose my job and then my medical insurance, am I insurable elsewhere because of my cancer? I am going stir crazy at times thinking about this. Not even a bowl of ice cream makes me feel better anymore. On top of all of that, we need another car....sheesh...it's like a snowball that's turned into an avalanche.

    So, during my time off, I have been searching for another job....and so forth.

    Anyway.......I feel somewhat better just VENTING here. I do appreciate it....so much has been thrown my way in the past months and it's getting really rough..........and I don't know if I can smile anymore.

  2. #2

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    Re: The Stress Factor - {my vent}

    Quote Originally Posted by Disneyland Daddy View Post
    {VENTING}
    Well, I'm completely stressed......about everything. Finances...my health, my son, my wife.....finances.....my job.....etc.

    I think the last 7 months or so have been pretty wild. I mean let's look back:

    Oct 06 - I become a father
    Nov 06 - I get diagnosed with cancer
    Jan 07 - cancer treatment begins/ I go on medical disability
    Jan 07 - wife resigns from job in order to now take care of me as well as our newborn son
    Jan 07 - my car falls apart
    Jan 07 - wife's grandmother diagnosed with cancer
    Feb-May 07 - getting through the various treatments has been a bear - not fun - energy level plummets
    May 07 - I get hospitalized for 5 days because of pneumonia
    May 07 - bills are piling up - medical bills, credit card bills(which we have not used frivolously, but get the necessities of life, like a new 'big boy' carseat for my son, clothes when he needs them...gas for the car etc and so on).

    I don't mean to complain - I have gone through all of the above mentioned stuff with a smile on my face. I really have. People comment on how I have taken this all so well, but the fact of the matter is, I can't take it anymore. It's so difficult - and wife and I are thinking that we may need to move in with my folks to get a handle on all of it otherwise we'll be out on the street. On top of all of this, I have heard negative stuff about my company - possible lay offs and such - and I am on medical leave, so how does that affect me? And if I lose my job and then my medical insurance, am I insurable elsewhere because of my cancer? I am going stir crazy at times thinking about this. Not even a bowl of ice cream makes me feel better anymore. On top of all of that, we need another car....sheesh...it's like a snowball that's turned into an avalanche.

    So, during my time off, I have been searching for another job....and so forth.

    Anyway.......I feel somewhat better just VENTING here. I do appreciate it....so much has been thrown my way in the past months and it's getting really rough..........and I don't know if I can smile anymore.
    DD - I'm so sorry to hear that you're still going through a rough time. I can relate on so many levels to what you are talking about above. I can't tell you how many times within the past month I'll stop what I'm doing and I'll say out loud "I can't do this." So....I hear you.

    I think the MAIN thing for you right now is to FOCUS your toughts and energy on getting better. I mean....like EVERY DAY. I know how strong your faith is, and I know there must be a ton of people praying for you. Stress and worry are going to slow down your recovery, not help it along. Concentrate on the things we were talking about in your other thread. Don't worry about tomorrow because....what? Sound familiar? Matthew 6:25-34. (As I write this, I'M the one who needs to put it into practice.)

    Another big verse for my wife and I was Jeremiah 29, 11-13. You're going to get through this DD as long as you keep remembering that God is mindful of you. The car, the job, the food on the table...that's not what you need to be focusing on right now. TODAY you need you give your son a few more hugs and go on a long walk with your wife. Why? Because you are still here on this planet and God has given you this time with them. Concentrate on those things you are thankful for, gather your family around you, and I believe you can ride this out.

    I also think you can also use this situation to begin thinking of NEW ways for you and your wife to get through your financial problems. There may be something you or your wife can do from home. I love the subtle difference that Robert Kiyosaki makes between "I can't afford it" and "HOW can I afford it." Look for new opportunities that may not have been there even a few months ago. In the WORST case scenario of you losing your job, even then things would be AWESOME if you have your health and your family. But I don't think the worst case scenario would happen. I have a hard time believing that the folks at your job would throw you under the bus during this time with a wife and young son.

    So...(again I'm talking to myself as well here), don't try and deal with ALL of this at once. Start with today. Concentrate on getting well. Focus on what God has given you. And....if the opportunity presents itself, it might not be a bad idea to talk to one of the pastors at your church and get some counseling to deal with the stress. Many years ago, when I was an undergrad psych student, I read that we as human beings can deal with stress pretty well, but not TONS of it all at once. A major illness, a financial set back, the death of a loved one...these are all BIG things that can be dealt with one at a time, but if they come all at once, it becomes very overwhelming. Counseling would be a good idea if you can find someone who won't charge you too much. Your church might be able to hook you up in this area. There might also be a group of guys at your church who would be willing to meet with you during the week to support you.

    In the mean time, you remain in my prayers.

    Hang in there DD. You can DO this!

  3. #3

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    Re: The Stress Factor - {my vent}

    Wow, ldf took the words right out of my mouth (not really). He's way too eloquent. But what he writes is true. There are ways to handle any situation, and you and your wife have been a united front so far in dealing with everything that's been thrown at you. That's a major feat in itself.

    We all have this picture of what our lives are going to be with and a timeline that we want to live by, then something like what has happened to you--birth of a child, cancer and the resulting money issues, and life has to change drastically to make it all work.

    If you move in with your parents, it might be a really nice time to take care of yourselves, regroup, find fantastic jobs for the both of you (if your company doesn't work out), while not worrying so much. It's worry and stress that hold us back and weigh us down.

    So moving in with your parents might be a really great thing for you guys.

    My uncle had lymphoma and hewas hard to insure for a short while. But I bet if you talk to someone at an insurance wholesale agency--not someone who works for a specific company, and you give them your information, they can tell you how hard or easy it will be to get re-insured by checking the different companies and policies for you. It might not be as impossible as you think, and it might put your mind at ease.

    Things will turn out well, I'm sure of it!!

  4. #4

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    Re: The Stress Factor - {my vent}

    I am so sorry for all the crapola in your life right now. You have the right to feel stressed about it and no it is not fair what has happened to you. As far as you insurance goes even if the company folds you will be eligible for COBRA benefits (continuation of benefits) for 18 months. In Arizona as long as you keep some type of coverage going they cannot zap you on preexisting conditions. If you get along well with your parents maybe it would be a wise decision to move in with them for a while to give you and your wife some help and a break.

    I love your posts and I know that you are grateful for your wife and son and for the start to regaining your health. Personally I have decided to become a complete and utter *itch because so far in my life all the good/great people get cancer and I do not want it.

  5. #5

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    Re: The Stress Factor - {my vent}

    Hang in there!
    I think the idea of living with your parents for a while is a good idea as well. You and your family need time to get off your feet, fist by getting rid of your cancer, and taking care of family.

  6. #6

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    Re: The Stress Factor - {my vent}

    Other than another great big "Ditto" to what localdisneyfan said, I don't have much to add except count me in with those thinking, praying, and sending you all the positive waves we can. If there is anything positive to see in all of this, just think how much closer you all will be because of this. It sounds like you have a truly great support structure around you, full of people who care for and love you very much. Let them be your little shelter from the storms.

    Good luck and keep the faith man. We're all pullling for you.

  7. #7

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    Re: The Stress Factor - {my vent}

    Sorry to hear about all the stress you have DD. But I'm here for you too bud .

  8. #8

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    Re: The Stress Factor - {my vent}

    What can one add after such great posts but I can one one which I don't think was mention. My wife is an RN in critical care and I hear this all the time, stay positive. She says the patients that are thinking positive on average heel quicker then the ones that are thinking poor me, I'm not going to get better, I feel like crap and so on. Sure, people think these things, why not, they are going through something new and terrible. But, stay strong and think positive because you will get better quicker. Best of luck DD.
    By the way, its good to vent, I know. I was going through a bad time years ago and I keep it to myself. Before I knew it my body starting shutting down and eventually I was hospitalized. Lost 75 lbs (was 185 lbs) couldn't eat nor sleep. I've learned to talk to people around me now if I catch myself doing a repeat and it works wonders. Get your thoughts out, this also helps you get better.

  9. #9

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    Re: The Stress Factor - {my vent}

    DDD, prayers and hugs for you and your family!

  10. #10

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    Re: The Stress Factor - {my vent}

    My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. You will pull though this. This too shall pass. *hugs*

  11. #11

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    Re: The Stress Factor - {my vent}



    right now just focus on your health and your wonderful family, hug your son, kiss your wife and know that god is watching out for you.

    and I have to agree, perhaps moving in with your parents wouldn't be such a bad idea, it could releave some stress, and allow you to catch up on your finances...and what a blessing for our son, to have so many people right there who love and adore him living in the same home...

    I know you feel overwhelmed, keep your faith in god, and stay positive, this will all pass, and you and your family will be stronger and closer than ever.

    I will keep you and your family in my prayers
    procrastibating

  12. #12

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    Re: The Stress Factor - {my vent}

    David I am here for you my friend if you ever need to talk..

    ((hugs to you and your family))

    AS said above.. i think moving in with your parents might be the right thing to do right now.. for emotional as well as financial support ((hugs again))

    Friends for life

  13. #13

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    Re: The Stress Factor - {my vent}

    ((hugs)) I hope venting made you feel better. Hang in there. You certainly have had a lot thrown at you - it's not a surprise that you're stressed.
    I pledge allegiance to the Earth, one planet, many gods, and to the universe in which she spins.

  14. #14

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    Re: The Stress Factor - {my vent}

    David,

    So many have said what I would have. One thing I think would be very beneficial is moving in with the folks. I know that nobody at your age (or my age--or any age once you've established your life separate from them) wants to move in with your parents once you've started a life with a wife and child, however, it could alleviate a great deal of pressure from your shoulders. They can help with your cutie pie baby boy and also be a support to you and your sweet wife. Maybe even allowing the two of you to go out once in a while, and just sit in the park to decompress or cry or whatever you need to do to help you heal from the turmoil you've been dealt lately.

    One thing I have learned in life is that it is in a constant state of change. I do not adapt well to change. You seem to have the capability to go with the flow and try to make the best of your situations. I'd be kicking, screaming, and whining the while time!!! You are a brave man. Everybody has a breaking point, and we all understand that.

    You are in my prayers. Our God is very faithful and will lead your lives in the way they should go. Take it to him in prayer as you have been doing. He won't come and sit on the couch and tell you what to do, (that would be SO amazing, wouldn't it?) but, at some point....you will feel what you think is right. And, later, in retrospect, you will say, "Ah ha! This is why we were supposed to do that!"

    God bless you, your wife and your precious child!!!!!!

  15. #15

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    Re: The Stress Factor - {my vent}

    Quote Originally Posted by I Heart Disneyland View Post

    You are in my prayers. Our God is very faithful and will lead your lives in the way they should go. Take it to him in prayer as you have been doing. He won't come and sit on the couch and tell you what to do, (that would be SO amazing, wouldn't it?) but, at some point....you will feel what you think is right. And, later, in retrospect, you will say, "Ah ha! This is why we were supposed to do that!"

    God bless you, your wife and your precious child!!!!!!
    I can't say it any better than she or anyone else here before me could say it, so I will simply say AMEN, brother - and you know that I am always available and praying for you, also.

    Your friend,

    --Barry

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