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  1. #1

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    If Abbott and Costello were alive today...

    Ok, I know this is a "fwd", but I thought it was hilarious! Enjoy!
    -------------------------------------------------------------

    If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous

    sketch, "Who's on first?" might have turned out something like this:


    COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT

    ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

    COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm

    thinking about buying a computer.

    ABBOTT: Mac?

    COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.

    ABBOTT: Your computer?

    COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.

    ABBOTT: Mac?

    COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.

    ABBOTT: What about Windows?

    COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?

    ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?

    COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look at the

    windows?

    ABBOTT: Wallpaper.

    COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and

    software.

    ABBOTT: Software for Windows?

    COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to

    write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What do you have?

    ABBOTT: Office.

    COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?

    ABBOTT: I just did.

    COSTELLO: You just did what?

    ABBOTT: Recommend something.

    COSTELLO: You recommended something?

    ABBOTT: Yes.

    COSTELLO: For my office?

    ABBOTT: Yes.

    COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?

    ABBOTT: Office.

    COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!

    ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.

    COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just

    say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal.

    What do I need?

    ABBOTT: Word.

    COSTELLO: What word?

    ABBOTT: Word in Office.

    COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.

    ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.

    COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?

    ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue "W".

    COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue "w" if you don't start

    with some straight answers. OK, forget that. Can I watch movies

    on the Internet?

    ABBOTT: Yes, you want Real One.

    COSTELLO: Maybe a real one, maybe a cartoon. What I watch is

    none of your business. Just tell me what I need!

    ABBOTT: Real One.

    COSTELLO: If it's a long movie, I also want to watch reels 2, 3

    and 4. Can I watch them?

    ABBOTT: Of course.

    COSTELLO: Great! With what?

    ABBOTT: Real One.

    COSTELLO: OK, I'm at my computer and I want to watch a movie.

    What do I do?

    ABBOTT: You click the blue "1".

    COSTELLO: I click the blue one what?

    ABBOTT: The blue "1".

    COSTELLO: Is that different from the blue w?

    ABBOTT: The blue "1" is Real One and the blue "W" is Word.

    COSTELLO: What word?

    ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.

    COSTELLO: But there are three words in "office for windows"!

    ABBOTT: No, just one. But it's the most popular Word in the

    world.

    COSTELLO: It is?

    ABBOTT: Yes, but to be fair, there aren't many other Words left.

    It pretty much wiped out all the other Words out there.

    COSTELLO: And that word is real one?

    ABBOTT: Real One has nothing to do with Word. Real One isn't

    even part of Office.

    COSTELLO: STOP! Don't start that again. What about financial

    bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?

    ABBOTT: Money.

    COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?

    ABBOTT: Money.

    COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?

    ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.

    COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?

    ABBOTT: Money.

    COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?

    ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.

    COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?

    ABBOTT: One copy.

    COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?

    ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.

    COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?

    ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!

    (A few days later)

    ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

    COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?

    ABBOTT: Click on "START"......
    Marge: Barnacle Bill's Home Pregnancy Test? Homer, shouldn't we have gone with a better-known brand?
    Homer: But Marge, this one came with a corn-cob pipe!
    Marge: [reading from the test box] "Ahoy, Maties! If the water turns blue, a baby for you! If purple ye see, no baby thar be!"
    Homer: So, which is it? Blue or purple?
    Marge: Pink.
    Homer: D'oh!
    Marge: "If ye test should fail, to a doctor set sail!"

  2. #2

    • e komo mai
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    lol

  3. #3

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    Nice JOB Cuzco --
    1st Amendment-Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

  4. #4

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    Rotfl

    Unusually and exceedingly peculiar and altogether quite impossible to describe...



  5. #5

    • șoș Tom șoș
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    ^ Wow Cuzco did you write that????????????????????? thats amazing!

    Edit: Just noticed the "fwd" but thanks for sharing it!







  6. #6

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    I wish I had the idea to write it! Schucks, seems like something you would have come up with yourself!
    Marge: Barnacle Bill's Home Pregnancy Test? Homer, shouldn't we have gone with a better-known brand?
    Homer: But Marge, this one came with a corn-cob pipe!
    Marge: [reading from the test box] "Ahoy, Maties! If the water turns blue, a baby for you! If purple ye see, no baby thar be!"
    Homer: So, which is it? Blue or purple?
    Marge: Pink.
    Homer: D'oh!
    Marge: "If ye test should fail, to a doctor set sail!"

  7. #7

    • ...the legend
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    Sounds like the dialouge in my head every day of my life...

    Thanks for sharing that Cuzco!
    I give myself very good advice, but I very seldom follow it.
    That explains the trouble that I'm always in...

  8. #8

    • șoș Tom șoș
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cuzco-topia
    I wish I had the idea to write it! Schucks, seems like something you would have come up with yourself!
    Nah you give me way tooooooooooo much credit, just ask my critics around here...no my brother had one similar to this with 70 and 80's rock bands like the Who







  9. #9

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    Quote Originally Posted by ah schucks
    Nah you give me way tooooooooooo much credit, just ask my critics around here...no my brother had one similar to this with 70 and 80's rock bands like the Who
    That reminds me of an Animaniacs episode with Slappy Squirrel and her nephew. Same skit with the bands. "Who's on the stage?"..."Who is."
    Marge: Barnacle Bill's Home Pregnancy Test? Homer, shouldn't we have gone with a better-known brand?
    Homer: But Marge, this one came with a corn-cob pipe!
    Marge: [reading from the test box] "Ahoy, Maties! If the water turns blue, a baby for you! If purple ye see, no baby thar be!"
    Homer: So, which is it? Blue or purple?
    Marge: Pink.
    Homer: D'oh!
    Marge: "If ye test should fail, to a doctor set sail!"

  10. #10

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    Thank you,
    I needed a good laugh
    So who is that guy on the left?
    Why it's Santa! Ho, ho, ho
    http://www.npworkshop.com
    Or could it be Promo-Man?
    http://www.silentsalesmen.com

  11. #11

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    That was wonderful! I have just studied this type of comedy/writing technique. I LOVE THEM! One of my personal favorites was the old bit on The Tonight Show w/ J. Carson as R. Reagan. There was a whole spoof on US/World leaders. There is an updated one w/ G.W. Bush on the Internet now. But I really love that one! Thanks for sharing!


  12. #12

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    To quote Saul Panzer from Nero Wolfe: Lovin' Babe.

    Seriously funny!

    Yes, I know that's an oxymoron. Carry on.
    Ooo, heaven is a place on earth.

  13. #13

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    Great!
    Good morning, son
    In twenty years from now
    Maybe we'll both sit down and have a few beers
    And I can tell you 'bout today
    And how I picked you up and everything changed
    It was pain
    Sunny days and rain
    I knew you'd feel the same things...





  14. #14

    • And they call me Mad!
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    Ha! Very good!

    If Abbot and Costello were alive they'd be spinning in their graves...er wait..that doesnt make sense. Never mind, Very Funny!
    What an idiot....

    Yeah, I do that Twitter thing.


  15. #15

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    Quote Originally Posted by Tui
    If Abbot and Costello were alive they'd be spinning in their graves...er wait..that doesnt make sense. Never mind, Very Funny!
    Actually, if Abbott and Costello were alive today they would be going "Help! Get me out of this thing. I can't breathe in here."
    Ooo, heaven is a place on earth.

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