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  1. #1

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    Coming out stories - share yours!

    I was originally going to just put this thread in the Elphaba club, but after thinking about it, I thought this thread might actually HELP the general public in knowing our stories, so I decided to make it public.

    Today is my 10 year coming out birthday! Hence the reason I wanted to start this thread.

    It was Friday, June 27, 1997. I was living in Burbank and had basically come out to myself a couple months prior. Oh I always knew I was one of "them" (see, being closeted means you can't say "I'm gay", even to yourself, at least in my eyes), but growing up Catholic with parents that were much older, I could NEVER be who I was deep down.

    I had basically decided "OK, I'm gay, but I won't live the life of a gay man, I'll just be some non sexual entity and be alone forever". Until Ellen came out.

    Cliche? Probably. But when she came out and announced to the world she was gay, I thought hey, if this famous and loved woman can do this, then why the hell can't I? Other celebrities had come out before her, but for some reason, Ellen coming out was at the right time for me.

    Plus, I had my 30th birthday coming up, and had told myself that I was going to come out as a gay man BEFORE I turned the big 3-0. I wasn't going to enter my 30's living a lie. Not after wasting my 20's pretending to be someone I wasn't, hiding who I was, and eventually giving myself a bleeding ulcer because of it.

    So, after hanging out with my friend Sandra for the evening, at 9:15pm (yes I remember the time, I made mental note of it, this was a life changing event!) while sitting on the sofa in the apartment, I came out to her. She was the first person I ever uttered those 2 words to, and I instantly felt the burden of hiding and pretending to be someone I was not, lifted off of my shoulders.

    Then of course once you tell one person you wanna tell EVERYONE! Eventually I told everyone that I wanted to know, and not one person ever gave me grief for it. Oh sure, my mom, who was 73 at the time, had problems with it. But after my sister told her "This is how he is mom, deal with it or you might not ever see him anymore" she's come around, and she loves Brian to death!

    Why am I telling this to you all? I dunno. Anniversaries and "dates" are a big deal to me. And I kinda think of today as my 2nd birthday. Yea, I'm a dork

    I guess I really hope that if there are people reading this that might be in the same situation that I was in, that it's ok. It's never, EVER too late to come out and be yourself. And even if everyone around you ends up dissing you for it (which is highly unlikely that EVERYONE you know would in this day and age), that you have an outlet here. And if not here, then maybe someplace else. A bowling league, a gay oriented website, anywhere. There are people out there that accept you for YOU.

    And to those early 20's people, and teenagers, that have accepted, dealt with, and come out, I salute you. Seriously, it makes me very excited to hear when young people accept who they are at such a young age.
    Anyway, thanks for reading my diatribe. And, happy gay birthday to me!

  2. #2

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    Re: Coming out stories - share yours!

    Matt! Thank you for sharing your story.

    MiceChat is such a supportive community, and I love that you shared this with all of us.
    One day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure it's worth watching.


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  3. #3

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    Re: Coming out stories - share yours!

    Matt happy Birthday babe. I am so glad you are who you are. I love Brian and wish you both all the happiness in the world.
    Katie
    Founding member of the BA I LOVE us!!!
    FIGHT ON!!!!!!









  4. #4

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    Re: Coming out stories - share yours!

    How totally cool!! I haven't had very many opportunitys to spend a lot of time with you but you are awesome!!! This is so great that you feel comfortable enough with us that you can share this wonderful and emotional story with us, and hopefully inspire someone else to accept themselves and just live life to the fullest!!! Thank you Matt!




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  5. #5

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    Re: Coming out stories - share yours!

    congrats Onut. My little brother couldn't come to grip with who he was, which led to very self destructive behavior. I am always proud of the people who can live their lives the way they want to, and not for other people.
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  6. #6

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    Re: Coming out stories - share yours!

    Great story, great thread!!

    I personally am not gay but my youngest brother is. My family and I always wondered since he was a little kid if he was gay. He never wanted to play sports with us, he played with Barbies and My Little Pony instead. My middle brother and I tried to include him in stuff with our friends but he got bored quick and went back to his normal routine of movies and toys.
    Those were the younger years.

    I really worried about him through high school because he would physically get sick everyday. He missed SO much school because of it and I thought it was either because peopel were teasing him, or because he wasn't comfortable, or if he felt like he was on the spot. Keep in mind he still hadn't come out yet. At least not with us but maybe with a friend or two of his.

    Maybe a year or two out of high school he finally came out. First with my Mom, then me, then the rest of the family. My brother isn't an emotional guy but the day he came out he sat ALL of the family down and told us in a big group. He cried like crazy and I could see it was such a huge release for him but at the same time he felt like we would be disappointed. None of us were disappointed though! We were so proud of him for finally coming out and finally being able to live the life he wanted. It took a few years for him to get used to it. Him and my Dad went through some stuff but it was more because he went through a rebelious phase after he came out. But now, things are great! He lives in San Francisco with his boyfriend and seems to be happy.

  7. #7

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    Re: Coming out stories - share yours!

    My story is SO similar to yours, Olympicnut!

    I had also come to terms that I'd live alone for the rest of my life, thinking that my life would be ruined if I ever came out. I wasn't one of those people you saw on TV in those days going to bars (and other establishments) all the time, so I knew I'd be alone. I had no friends and only hung out with family.

    It was in October 1999 when I went to a training course in Houston. During the course, I'd mentioned that I had a partner (meaning I had a business partner), but another classmate came up to me and mentioned that he too had a LIFE-partner and came out to me. I kind of panicked, not knowing what to say, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized that if this guy could lead a normal life and be happy, so could I. I decided that I could no longer live the way I was living. I was basically dead.

    When I got home, I looked up some information on the internet for counseling and such. I started chatting online, went to group counseling and on January 1, 2000, I visited my parents and came out to them. What a relief. It wasn't fun, but I was finally me. I was alive.

    I have since come out to all of my family and have met a wonderful man and now have lots of friends.

    I'd like to say that places like Micechat and other sites online help people who are alone to be more social. It gives them the courage to be who they are and after a while, transfer that courage to meet real people in person.

    Thank you MICECHAT and thank you Olympicnut for posting this thread!


  8. #8

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    Re: Coming out stories - share yours!

    Happy coming out day Matt. Your story made me love you even more!

  9. #9

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    Re: Coming out stories - share yours!

    Happy coming out day, Matt!

    Mine's kind of boring. I just noticed I was watching women one day on the street. My friend refers to this as the "lavender light bulb" and it started glowing that day. I would also read Playboy magazine (yes, actually *read* it!) but didn't look at the pictures. Much.

    I didn't even have a name for this. It was also pre-internet. I just knew that women were hot. It was very shortly I told my boyfriend what was going on in my head. It's a good thing I didn't think about it - I would have been afraid he'd leave me. Or maybe I did consider it on some level, and calculated it's better to get it over with and not waste any time if it's going to be a problem.

    For whatever reason, he accepted me immediately. Of course, living in Montana was not good to be .. "bent". Plus I was going nearly insane living in a small town. And the winters were bad. So we moved here to California. That was the final straw that said get out of here.

    I've learned a lot in the 15 years since then.
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    Re: Coming out stories - share yours!

    My story is not about me, but, my cousin who is 2 weeks younger than me. We grew up together like brother and sister.

    When we were teens, I sort of sensed that maybe he was interested in men, but, he never make it clear to me. (We even attended the same high school.) Even as a small child, he used to LOVE dramatics. He would dance the Swan Lake for me (he took ballet), and he was always more interested in my toys than his own. Anyway--back to our teens. This was the mid 70's, and it wasn't REAL safe to "come out", even less so than it is now when it's more widely accepted. (I do realize there is still a TON of prejudice and it's still really tough. I do not know, because I have not walked in those shoes.)

    Finally, when we turned 18, he came to me and told me he was gay. I embraced him, told him that I still love him, and I support his lifestyle. My best friend at the time was also a gay man, and I was very familiar with how he felt and how difficult it was for him to come out to just a few of us who he felt safe telling. My father (who raised me) never taught me prejudice, thank heavens! Anyway---when we were 21, my cousin told me that he wanted to start dressing as a woman. I remember how terrible he looked at first, trying to wear women's clothing and not being quite sure about the make-up, etc. We got him cute nail polish colors, make up, etc. and after a while he was a KNOCK OUT as a woman! I remember showing my now husband his photos, and said, "This is my cousin Jennifer" (the chosen name) and he thought she was HOT STUFF! I loved telling him that it was a man. Terrible, I know. Anyway---my cousin and I got a few laughs from that!

    I am so proud of my cousin for being who he wants to be. And, to my close friends Geoff and his partner, for being who they want to be. And, to all of you who have come out, or haven't yet, but, may in the future...I am proud of you too!

    Happy Gay Pride Month!!!!!!!!!
    Last edited by I Heart Disneyland; 06-27-2007 at 11:01 PM.

  11. #11

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    Re: Coming out stories - share yours!

    Matt, I love you and Brian (der!) oh so much, and Happy 2nd Birthday!

    And many for all of you who may be, are, and have been in a similar position as Matt. I can't even begin to imagine how terrible and confusing it must be going through life and not really being you-but a shell of you.

    Happy Pride Month!

  12. #12

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    Re: Coming out stories - share yours!

    Awww Matt Happy 2nd Birthday!

    And thanks to everyone else for sharing their stories also



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