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  1. #1

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    Office Holiday Party - Joke

    Christmas celebrations in Corporate America today.



    FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director

    TO: All Employees

    DATE: 4th November

    RE: Christmas Party



    I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols...please feel free to sing along.
    And don't be surprised if the Managing Director shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 p.m. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees! The Managing Director will make a special announcement at the Party.

    Merry Christmas to you and your Family.

    Pauline

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~

    FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director

    TO: All Employees

    DATE: 5th November

    RE: Holiday Party


    In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees.
    We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday, which often
    coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on we're calling it our 'Holiday Party'. The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians. There will be no Christmas tree or Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.

    Happy now?

    Happy Holidays to you and your family,


    Pauline.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~
    FROM; Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director

    TO: All Employees

    DATE: 6th November

    RE: Holiday Party

    Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous
    requesting a non-drinking table... you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, 'AA Only', you wouldn't be anonymous anymore!!!! How am I supposed to handle this? Somebody? Forget about the gift exchange. No gift exchange allowed now since the Union officials feel that $10.00 is too much money and Management believe $10.00 is a little cheap.

    NO GIFT EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.


    Pauline.


    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~

    FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director

    TO: All Employees

    DATE: 7th November

    RE: Holiday Party


    What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins
    the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party - or else package everything up for you
    to take home in a little foil doggy bag. Will that work? Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet; pregnant women will get the table closest to the toilets; Gays are allowed to sit with each other; Lesbians do not have to sit with gay men; each will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangements for the gay men's table, too. To the person asking permission to cross dress - no cross dressing allowed. We will have booster seats for short people. Low fat food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the food. We suggest those people with high blood pressure taste the food first. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics; the restaurant cannot supply 'No Sugar' desserts. Sorry!

    Did I miss anything?!?!?!?!?!


    Pauline.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~

    FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director

    TO: All ********** Employees

    DATE: 8 November

    RE: The ******** Holiday Party.


    Vegetarian pricks! I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the 'grill of death', as you so quaintly put it. You'll get your ********** salad bar, including organic tomatoes, but you know tomatoes have feeling, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW!! Hope you all have a rotten holiday ! Drink, drive, and die!

    The Bitch from HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    FROM: John Bishop - Acting Human Resources Director

    DATE: 9th November

    RE: Pauline Lewis and Holiday Party


    I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Pauline Lewis a speedy recovery, and I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and instead, give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd December off with full pay.

  2. #2

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    • Skeevy Ray Vaughan
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    Re: Office Holiday Party - Joke

    If this wasn't true it'd be funny. No really I found it rather amusing, thanks for posting.

  3. #3

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    Re: Office Holiday Party - Joke

    I havent seen this in a while, its so true and completely comical! Thanks I really needed this today!

    A little piece of heaven

  4. #4

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    Re: Office Holiday Party - Joke

    That's how it is at our house. We have a vegetarian, a vegan (brother's girlfriend ), 2 non-pork eaters, a pork lover, and then someone who eats everything and that's just meat stuff! Great post!

  5. #5

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    Re: Office Holiday Party - Joke

    Based on what is going on in my life today....

    This hit extremely close to home. It would be funny if not so true!

    Merry Christmas (no, can't say that! Might offend someone.)

    Hapy Holidays (no, can't say this either! Might offend someone else!)

    Bah Humbug!! (The equal opportunity greeting, is this OK with everyone??)


    CU@DL

    Andy
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    What is, is... What is not, is not.

    Boom!

    I don't ask for much... Just a few little things!

    Extra effort yields extraordinary results!

  6. #6

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    Re: Office Holiday Party - Joke

    This was cute. Thanks so much for posting it.


  7. #7

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    Re: Office Holiday Party - Joke

    Hahahahah!!!

    Thanks summer I needed a good laugh!
    Har har har

  8. #8

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    Re: Office Holiday Party - Joke

    Thanks for the post Summer. Fun! Too bad it's too realistic!
    Rod


    .....a dawn for new awareness........(S.B. Anthony, American Adventure, Epcot)


  9. #9

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    Re: Office Holiday Party - Joke

    Quote Originally Posted by WDWLakelandFL View Post
    Thanks for the post Summer. Fun! Too bad it's too realistic!

    Hey stranger! Where have you been hiding? Hope your having a wonderful holiday!

  10. #10

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    Re: Office Holiday Party - Joke

    I almost forwarded this to people at work, but then I realized, "I'm in HR. I can't have ANY fun."

    Bah Humbug!

    Merry Christmas, anyway!
    All I needed to know in life, I learned at MiceChat.
    And kindergarten.

  11. #11

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    Re: Office Holiday Party - Joke

    Love it!

  12. #12

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    Re: Office Holiday Party - Joke

    Thanks for the laugh Summer!!!!

    Makes me kind of glad we don't have a holiday party anymore.


  13. #13

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    Re: Office Holiday Party - Joke

    Hey Summer! Just been busy. Sorry I couldn't make the WDW-DAK meet on the 9th. Too much going on for a Sunday meet for me. Haven't really gotten into the "holiday spirit" too much yet......not sure why. Hope you're doing ok!

    Quote Originally Posted by SummerInFL View Post
    Hey stranger! Where have you been hiding? Hope your having a wonderful holiday!
    Rod


    .....a dawn for new awareness........(S.B. Anthony, American Adventure, Epcot)


  14. #14

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    Re: Office Holiday Party - Joke

    I loved it, and hey, when I worked for a large company in wyoming we got the joke sent to us all, and then was told, party at 6:00PM we serve meat, lots of booze and song, come if you want..... its up to you. the party was always awsome !!

  15. #15

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    Re: Office Holiday Party - Joke

    Quote Originally Posted by CUatDL View Post
    Based on what is going on in my life today....

    This hit extremely close to home. It would be funny if not so true!

    Merry Christmas (no, can't say that! Might offend someone.)

    Hapy Holidays (no, can't say this either! Might offend someone else!)

    Bah Humbug!! (The equal opportunity greeting, is this OK with everyone??)


    CU@DL

    Andy
    LOL!

    I'm quite fond of Happy Chrisamukkahawanza.

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