Gone on a Mission (not about religion)

[DisneyGal]

This thread isn't about that mormon religion. I'm not mormon myself but I have a friend who is and left a couple of weeks ago. He was a terribly close friend that only had lived a couple of blocks and we would always talk about our problems and do whatever we could to help each other. We had so much in common one of being our love of Disneyland which was all we actually talked about the last time I saw him. He left while I was at Disney World and my last words to him was over the phone at Epcot. I called him several times while there because he wanted to know everything that I was doing there. He actually would always call a lot while I was out of town to see how I was doing....he just always took an interest in my life more so than any other friend. He was just always there for me. I'm not trying to go on too long but I'm just trying to establish how our friendship was.

So he is on his mission and I got my first letter from him and I'm trying to write back but every time I do I start crying. So I'm just wondering if anyone else is dealing with a very close friend being on a mission and how they deal with it.

[mycroft16]

Having been on a mission myself I do understand the feeling of having to leave your friends behind and missing them a great deal. Also having my older brothers leave as well. In all honesty, the best way to deal with that very strong feeling of missing them is to actually write to them, and if it takes crying, keep writing. It gets easier with a few letters under the belt because even though it isn't as good as being able to talk to them all the time, you still get to talk to them. Just keep sharing your lives through letters as you would through phone calls and what not before. I had one friend who would write a little bit on their letters each day of the week, almost like a journal so it felt very much like a conversation.

It sounds like your friendship was very strong and healthy and I think it will be fine through this time as well. It will just be slightly awkward for a bit while you both adjust to the new mode of communication.

[nbodyhome]

DisneyGal -

I think you'll find as you get older, this will seem very common. Maybe not the mission part, but having close friends move - sometimes just across town, sometimes overseas. I have had friends move to other countries to plant churches, become missionaries, etc.

I had a close male friend when I was in high school/first year of college, but he went off to Notre Dame and I moved to Florida. We wrote a few times, and I've never heard from him since (20 years ago!). I wish we had the internet back then. I hope that you are able to keep in contact, definitely keep writing and calling (and emailing if he's online). Maybe you can occasionally send him a baked goods gift if you know where he is staying, I've done that for friends too.

It can be hard to hang on to friends for life - people move away, get married, have kids, etc.

[DisneyGal]

Thank you mycroft16 for the kind words. Having one of your close friends that you want to experience life with missing the key milestones in life has just been hard to deal with especially my wedding that's taking place four months before he gets back.

Unfortunately nbodyhome, I can't call him or email him. I can only send letters to the mission and he can only give or recieve them on Mondays. It just makes it difficult. It's funny because I have had many friends move away and I have also moved away but it never seemed to have really affected me.

[I Heart Disneyland]

Maybe you have feelings for him that go beyond friendship?

[DisneyGal]

Maybe you have feelings for him that go beyond friendship?

I know that I'm not because I'm madly in love with my fiance. I did have feelings for him over a year ago (when I was single) but it didn't work out, we took a break and then became really good friends.

[BFJen]

I wrote to over 20 missionaries. My best friends were boys and 8 of them left me within 4 months. So, I wrote letters. I absolutely loved getting mail back. It brightened my day and was just fun getting something in the mailbox!

I got so good at letter writing, that my friends would tell me about companions that were having rough times and never got mail - so I wrote to them as well. I made many more good friends.

It is definitely tough at first, I had some lonely rough patches (as one was my actual boyfriend). But, I found that as I let go, I was blessed. (Sounds cheesy, but true). You'll get through it - I promise. And we're always here to chat.

[PirateMunkee]

Though I am now longer LDS (Out of personal choice) I did serve a Mission. I have to say that I feel for what they go through. Though it's hard for you to write them a letter....DO IT!! Getting letters meant more to me than anything. We can't call anybody so the only thing we could do is write. Being a missionary is tough. No regular Music, no TV, getting up at a specific time and going to bed at a specific time as well. Of course, those who know me, know there would be no way for me to follow the rules. I'm a natural Rebel. The other Missionaries knew who to come to when they couldn't take it no more. My Extensive tapes would help them out. If they needed to listen to my "MoTab (Mormon Tabernacle choir) Live from Hell" (Heavy Metal Mix Tape) "MoTab live from Liverpool" (My Beatles tapes) etc. I was there for them. For Me CTR didn't mean Choose the Right it meant Choose to Rebel. I couldn't be the perfect Missionary. Trust me, I wanted to do what was right but unfortunately it wasn't right for me.

Write your friend. Trust me, being a missionary isn't easy!!!!

[DisneyGal]

It's always nice to hear other peoples stories that have to do with the same situation. It's comforting. I can't even imagine how hard it is for him. I would always tell him that I admired his bravery for going. I'm not LDS so I didn't grow up experiencing the leaving of missionaries. I didn't even know the details of it until recently.

[PirateMunkee]

The other thing that people don't understand is that being a missionary you stand out wearing your white shirts and ties and that is not necessarily a good thing if your assign to hostile territory. I started my mission in the Honduras Tegucigalpa Mission. They had a national holiday there called Dia de Armas (Day of the Army) which non-official title (for the hoodlums) was called Kill a Gringo day. We were supposed to stay indoors and not leave our apartment on that day. With us standing out like we did, you might as well call us targets. My best friend joked that I wouldn't be coming home in a bodybag but instead I'll be coming home in a bucket. He didn't realize how close he was to the truth. I was sent back to the states early because of an old football injury that was aggravated because of the terrain of Honduras but I found out that not even 2 months since I left, Honduras broke out in a Civil War and all the missionaries were pulled and reassigned.
Coming home was an adventure in itself. I was supposed to fly out of Honduras to Miami, to Dallas, then to LAX but at the last minute my plans were changed to, out of Honduras to El Salvador for a 12 hour layover, to Guatemala, then to LAX. Doesn't sound too bad except El Salvador was right in the middle of a full blown Civil War. It was the time that Priests and Nuns were being assassinated. Great, I was going into a war zone as a target. The airlines (TACA Airlines) put us up in a hotel in Beautiful San Salvador (I'm being sarcastic here). They put us on a bus that had to go around barriers used to prevent car bombers from driving into the airport, and then out onto the main highway. The highway was heavily patrolled by huge troops transports loaded with military men in full battle gear and a man mounting a M-60 mounted machine gun on the roof of the cab. I saw at least 6 of these while traveling into the capital. Along the way, I saw a few shacks just riddled with bullet holes. Once we get into the capital, we had to drive around barriers once again to get into the city. First thing we come across is an office building with all the glass broken out and splotches of blood on the ground. Apparently there was a firefight (Shoot out) between the military and the rebels there the night before. We passed the US Embassy and I have to say it was very surreal. The Embassy was sand bagged and out front a US Marine was in full battle gear including Flak Jackets patrolling out front drinking a Pepsi. The hotel we were put into was very nice. They even served us a very awesome lunch. It was almost like paradise. Sitting in a courtyard full of Palm Trees with a large swimming pool in front of me but then hearing the occasional gunshots in the neighboring areas around me.
More later but now I have to go get ready for the Gumball Rally!!

[garbear]

What does a missionary do?

[mycroft16]

PirateMunkee is so right... letters are life as a missionary. I didn't have it quite so bad with with being a target in Brazil, but we were often accused of being CIA spies. That was always fun. Our problems were more with the wildlife.

I can actually understand the DisneyGal's difficulty. Even though you are just friends, it is a very close friendship and while there really may not be feelings beyond that, it is almost more difficult to see a very dear friend leave. That may sound odd, but it can be true.

I actually had a MoTab Live from Liverpool tape myself. I also had a MoTab does Disney's Greatest Hits collection as well. Bit of a rebel here too. Missions are an interesting thing. They are incredibly difficult for both sides of the coin. Difficult for those that go in the hard work they do and for those that stay in seeing them go and the frustration of what feels like a friendship put on hold. But that difficulty can strengthen the friendship you share in ways you can't even see yet. And as BFJen says, we're always here to chat.

[nbodyhome]

What does a missionary do?

Missionaries spread the word of God, according to their beliefs. Most people I know are like Baptist, Assembly of God, etc. - and being a missionary can be short, or it can be lifelong. The missionaries I have known can be online (if the area they live in supports it). But it sounds like Mormons don't have that option. (I don't know much about how their missions work, I just know "two years" and I've seen the uniforms they wear).

I can't even imagine what PirateMunkee went through, that is quite the experience.

[DisneyGal]

He's stationed in Mexico City so I don't know how that area is. He's Peruvian so he doesn't stand out so much and can speak Spanish. He's actually in Utah right now doing training.

Thank you to everyone that had posted in this thread! The discussion going on in this thread is helpful.

[mycroft16]

Glad it's helping. I'll do my best to answer any questions I can. Been a while since my mission.