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  1. #1

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    Question "That's so gay" - please just stop saying that!

    I brought this up in the Elphaba club and to a mod or two and after some discussion in there as to where to put this, in the debate forum or the main lounge, I decided I wanted to bring this to the attention of the "world" (for lack of a better term) which is why I decided here. Because really, talking about it in there was basically just preaching to the choir So let's keep this discussion as adult as possible without it being derailed and dropped into the litter box shall we?

    Anyway, I've noticed recently (or at least seem to have noticed recently) a vast majority of people using the term "that's so gay" in reference to something they usually mean to be stupid.

    This never really bothered me too much, until recently. Not sure what triggered my irritation to it, but I guess it got me to thinking, you wouldn't necessarily say something like "that's so Jew", or "that's so black" so non chalantly would you?

    Then why is it ok for this phrase to be so blatantly used of late without anyone correcting the person saying it? I mean I remember it being used when I was a teenager and I thought it had passed, but lately I seem to be hearing it quite a bit on the radio, on t.v. shows, and just in general, out there in public. I even scolded my nieces and their husbands for using it and now, after thinking about it, they know it's really not a good thing to say and don't anymore.

    So why is this phrase becoming so popular again?

    I'll let my fellow friends in the club copy and paste their own responses from the discussion in there, here, if they wish.

  2. #2

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    Re: "That's so gay" - please just stop saying that!

    That phrase drives me crazy, Onut. I just can't understand why anyone would think it to be appropriate (outside of maybe an especially snappy outfit!). I'm not a member of the PC Police, but, geez, that's such a nasty phrase.

    Let's not use it that way, mmmkay, folks? And could we try to educate others regarding it as well?

    I'm hoping some of the teen MiceChatters would lead the charge on this.

  3. #3

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    Re: "That's so gay" - please just stop saying that!

    I'm with Onut on this one...I think it's insulting, and ignorant to use such a phrase.

  4. #4

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    Re: "That's so gay" - please just stop saying that!

    It is sad that this phrase is used so much. Most of the time though, I do believe people don't actually mean for it to be harmful in anyway. It's just one of those phrases that has become so ingrained in to people's minds that they say it without thinking. I've had some people apologize to me after they've said it actually. I try not to let it bother me too much when people say it but it does always hurt a little. How did this phrase become so popular? I'm rather curious about that.

  5. #5

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    Re: "That's so gay" - please just stop saying that!

    Thanks for bringing this topic out into the larger MC populace Onut!

    I'm a gay man and here's what I posted over in Elphaba a few days ago:

    I am bothered when I hear people say "That's so gay" when what they really mean is stupid, lame, or dumb. What bothers me even more is when gay people say it.

    A few years ago this phrase was running rampant through my workplace. One day I'd finally had enough of it and when one of my co-workers, who is also a friend, said it I told her how I felt how angry it made me feel. She told me that she didn't mean anything by it, she didn't see any point in not saying it as it was just a phrase, and that she'd continue saying it.

    Then I was blunt and told her that when I hear people using the "that's so gay" phrase it makes my skin crawl in the same way that the "n" word does.

    She thought about it a bit and then understood.

    Seriously, when someone uses that phrase they may be mindlessly saying it but to me substituting the word "gay" for "stupid" tears down decades of strides that gay people have made in our struggle to be accepted into mainstream society.

  6. #6

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    Re: "That's so gay" - please just stop saying that!

    I agree with you Oympicnut, we should stop saying that phrase. I have two boys, 8 and 11, and they know how I feel about that. There are twin boys next door, age 13, who use that a lot. I think they get it from there father (a lovely legacy to pass down). They have said it at my house once or twice, and each time I hear it I tell them not to say that. They try hard not to when I am around, but recently I heard my 11 year old telling them to stop.

    I think we need to teach our children what is acceptable and what is not, and then not use it ourselves.

  7. #7

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    Re: "That's so gay" - please just stop saying that!

    I've used that phrase in the past, but never thought of it as an insult to my gay friends or gays in general. Like many, I'm sure, I never intended it in that context. I do apologize.

    Matt and Ron, thank you for the enlightenment. "That's so gay" is now stricken from my vocabulary.

    So I guess "That's so homosexual" is out of the question too then?


  8. #8

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    Re: "That's so gay" - please just stop saying that!

    Unfortunately it’s not just this phrase, but several others that are offensive that people feel are appropriate. However in most cases they are used in jest and I don’t believe any harm was meant. I still try to not use any of these (so gay, lame, etc).

    I was at WalMart the other day (yes I know how you all love WalMart). Anyway I was buying groceries and I had two 1 gallon bottles of milk. Its in the back of the store so usually the first thing in my cart and stuff had piled on to, basically pressing a bit of the top into the jug (it was still sealed and everything so I didn’t mind).

    The checker when ringing my milk up looked at it and then to me and said “you know your milk is retarded right?” I gave her a look that could have killed, I was not happy and if my kids had been with my I may have complained to a manager.

    That being said; my pet peeve is people that call others “blind” because they don’t drive well or didn’t do something right, or can’t find something “are you blind its right in front out you”. But that is another thread.

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  9. #9

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    Re: "That's so gay" - please just stop saying that!

    Quote Originally Posted by disneytim View Post

    So I guess "That's so homosexual" is out of the question too then?

    Yes, I do believe that is out of the question, but "That's so straight" is perfectly acceptable when you want to insult something.

  10. #10

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    Re: "That's so gay" - please just stop saying that!

    Quote Originally Posted by disneytim View Post
    I've used that phrase in the past, but never thought of it as an insult to my gay friends or gays in general. Like many, I'm sure, I never intended it in that context. I do apologize.

    Matt and Ron, thank you for the enlightenment. "That's so gay" is now stricken from my vocabulary.

    So I guess "That's so homosexual" is out of the question too then?

    Tim, you took the words right out of my mouth. Minus the silly joke at the end. That is all you.

    It sounds silly that this has to be pointed out to us as something that we shouldn't say. I try hard to ensure that those types of phrases never become part of my children's vocabulary.

    Thanks for the reminder on this. Great thread Idea Matt. I am glad you posted it where everyone on MC can see it.

  11. #11

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    Re: "That's so gay" - please just stop saying that!

    MollyTrolly just reminded me of something. I think many times it's difficult for someone to see a phrase as being offensive until that person is in that position or knows someone in tht position. Having an aunt who suffers from mental retardation, the word "retarded" being thrown around so much has always upset me. I've even tried to explain this to some people before and they don't understand why I would get offended or be upset about it.

  12. #12

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    Re: "That's so gay" - please just stop saying that!

    Quote Originally Posted by MollyTrolly View Post
    Unfortunately it’s not just this phrase, but several others that are offensive that people feel are appropriate. However in most cases they are used in jest and I don’t believe any harm was meant. I still try to not use any of these (so gay, lame, etc).
    Unfortunately, I have heard- and have said- both of the above mentioned (gay, retarded) in my house. Like Onut said, I remember hearing them as a kid and was surprised to hear they'd made a comeback. I swear, every time I let a "retarded" slip out of my mouth, I want to kick myself. My 1st grader is probably the only one who doesn't say it, thank god. There's a little girl with Down's Syndrome in his class. Yeah, it needs to stop.
    I give myself very good advice, but I very seldom follow it.
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  13. #13

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    Re: "That's so gay" - please just stop saying that!

    I'm not gay, and I find it annoying and distasteful. I have never used the word gay in that manner and get a little annoyed when I hear friends say these things. I truly don't believe that MOST of the people who say it mean it as an insult, but that's really no excuse. Honestly, offensive or not, it just sounds ignorant to say.




  14. #14

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    Re: "That's so gay" - please just stop saying that!

    A word is a word. Or in this case, a phrase is a phrase. The observer interprets the meaning. I'm not offended by it. It takes a lot to offend me and words just don't cut it.

    I hear it said all the time in my school including from a couple of kids who are gay.



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  15. #15

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    Re: "That's so gay" - please just stop saying that!

    It's inapproproiate and this type of language should not be tolerated.


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