Advice needed. Coming out again (Might be long).

[Indiana J]

Well ive been missing a while on micechat and truthfully alot is going on in my life and some major changes are happening, Some really good like great realtionship, some even better like finding who i am and my own place in this world we call ours. Some are a journey that's been a long time in the makein and finally happening. Some could say rough times are ahead for me but i am who i am and i wanna share whats going on with you guys first off i need advice there's one thing holdng me back that's my parents not knowing what im going thru or what im doing and i need advice on re comeing out to them as they would say i am so terrified this is a letter i wrote earlyer this year to my mom and maybe it will put some thing's in perespective for you guys.

Mom,

I’m sitting here typing this out because your problly wondering why I have been so upset lately and I haven’t really been myself. Yes there is a lot going on in my head right now and I have tried so many times to sit down and talk to you about it but the truth of the matter is I can’t seem to find the words to talk to you about this. Every time I try I just can’t do it so I don’t.

I thought maybe typing it out and sitting here and putting thought into this would help me come to terms with this and tell you instead of trying to have that conversation I just can’t say as much as I try I just can’t. It’s not proving to be any easier writing you this letter then actually sitting down and talking. It’s nothing to worry about I am coming to you now because I don’t think I can go on any longer hiding who I truly am. Tears are streaming down my face as I write it and all this beating around the bush is me trying to delay the inevitable and that is I have to tell you.


I’m sure what I am about to say is not really going to come as such a shock to you as I think yet I still cant help being over emotional because this is such a big step in my life. So when you were in the room I put on tyra and the topic was something I have been struggling with for quite a long time now maybe deep down all my life. I Am not like other guys im not like other gay guys in fact im not like drag queens. I Want you to know you didn’t do anything to cause this in me but I think its time you know ever since I was a little kid. I Really have wanted nothing to do with being a boy in fact deep inside me I know I am a young women and lately im fighting more and more to deny my true self and as the days are going on I cant do it anymore life is to short to fool around with what I really need to be complete and to be happy and feel myself.

I am sure you have a million things going on in your head right now my son want’s to be my daughter and its not easy I know. I Am well aware of the road that awaits me but I had to get over this speed bump before I could go on with this. I wanted you to be just as much part of it as I am because you mean a lot to me your love support and acceptance is all I want.

I cant really ask you to know or have any idea what im going thru but nothing about being a guy feels right to me its so un natural for me, When im in a dress I feel more like me like im supposed to be a respectful young lady. We both know I have been more fem from day one and I think that’s because I have always known its who I am. One memory that really sticks out in my head is I don’t really remember when it was but I told you when I was little I wanted to be a girl and you told me if its what you want still when you are older we will look into it.





When I was little I always wanted to be a girl for Halloween and for the most part you always let me. I always felt more myself when doing girlish things and playing with my cousins Barbie’s and everything else that goes with being a girl I was so jealous that I didn’t get to wear dresses or tights or be anything but a boy it felt like I was living a lie the whole time.

I have done so much soul searching the past few years wondering if its what I really do want and what I need to be able to go on and the answer is yes I can not imagine what life would be like if I went going on the way I am. Living this lie is killing me inside I thought hey maybe drag can satisfy my need but the more I think about it I know it’s the right path for me. I know your probe worried sick about me, but I also know this is the right thing for me.

I’m telling you now because I need your love and support to go on with this, I don’t want to hide it anymore I just can’t do it. Denying your real self I have done that for the last 23 years and I have to do this for me. I Hope you can understand and accept me as your daughter because I love you so much and if you cant it would kill me inside to know ive hurt you in any way. Im hoping this letter helps with opening up the communication about this so we can sit down and talk because I really want your help and guidance every step of the way,

Love always,
Jenna/Josh



Wow i think that was one of the hardest thing's ive had to do was to post this here for your advice becuse im terrifed im going to loose my famliy and i concider a good part of micechat my famliy though i don't visit often it's how i truely feel. Some of you have known for a while what i am going thru most of you have had no idea that i am fighting these inner demons and finally feeling complete and whole. With who i am, Most of you won't be able to understand exactly what i am going thru, Alot of you will probley not accept the new me, and ill leave mc if i have to but i thought what better place to get this advice from ppl i know r so open minded for the most part and very opionenated which i so spelled wrong, Point is i finally know who i am and im taken my last trip as josh to disneyland in june and when i come home in july josh will be no more as i will be liveing fulltime as jenna, As per my dr's request so here i am folks i feel so naked hope you can all love and accept the real me

J

[sir clinksalot]

That's a big step.

But I gotta tell you, if one of my children was going to say something like this to me, I'd really appreciate them doing it in person. Maybe just reading the letter TO her instead of sending it to her. Asking her not to interrupt you and just read it.

[pratt55]

Wow, as a mom it breaks my heart that you are worried that your parents will not accept you for who you are. I hope and pray that they will and that you have the courage to allow them the opportunity to experience your true desires.

I can't speak for anyone other than myself but what you are does not matter to me as long as you are who you are and if becoming a woman is who you are then you have my support.

I am sending you lots and lots of hugs.

[shortiemetoo]

(((((((((((((Hugs))))))))))) Courage is a very hard thing...but you are showing courage and love with your letter!!
I hope your parents can be understanding and accepting!!
I'll be praying for you and your family hon!

[pixie chick]

Originally Posted by sir clinksalot

That's a big step.

But I gotta tell you, if one of my children was going to say something like this to me, I'd really appreciate them doing it in person. Maybe just reading the letter TO her instead of sending it to her. Asking her not to interrupt you and just read it.

I think this sounds like great advice. I'm not sure if you live close to your mom, but if it's at all possible to do this in person, I think she might appreciate that more. Having it all typed out so you can read it to her would also help you to have your thoughts in order.

Good luck with this big step.

[PretzelSouls]

Don't worry about your mom not accepting you - everyone deserves to be happy no matter what their opinion is.
Be confident in yourself and most will be accepting of your decisions - those who refuse to accept who you really are aren't worthy of knowing a spectacular person.
I'd also suggest reading the letter in person - it means so much more.
Good luck in your future We're always here to listen.

[knittingknerd]

I think I cried a little bit while reading that. Totally brave.

One thing I've learned about parental units in the last year and change is that they can be surprisingly accepting as long as you're upfront and honest. I mean think about it: all any parent wants is for their kids to be the best form of themselves (themself?). I think you should talk to her face to face about it, bring the letter, maybe have her read it in front of you, and that way you can discuss it. Maybe she already knows. Good luck though!

[krystledm]

OK, I'm gonna shed some realism on here...You should tell her in person, read the paper if you have to, but coming in a letter form will just not work.

And as for her reaction, be prepared. in the long run she is your mother and will hopefully respect your wishes and love you the same...but first off, she will probably be angry, hurt, not understanding, etc. It will probably take her some time. consider, she raised a son and she watched a son grow up. in her mind at this moment you have been and always will be a man. how shocking would it be to you if say your dog decided to be a cat....never thought of that and it would probably throw you for a loop.

now a question for you. have you lived as a woman yet? i ask because if you haven't and you tell your mom your decision now, then later after trying it you decide not to go through with it, then it would be harder still. maybe instead of saying "i want a sex change" say it as, "I'm considering a sex change and am asking for your support, not your opinion."

I wish you the best of luck whatever course you take.

[Sambo]

You go girlfriend - you have my support.

In person is always better. If you have the courage to do that - the rest is easier.
Tell your Mom in person, and live the life until you are sure you cannot go back...

[BFJen]

Good luck with your decisions and everything you do in your life. I think it takes amazing bravery to come out and tell anyone about such a serious life change. I agree that sitting and talking to your mom would be best. But, if you do decide to give her the letter, at least be in the room when she reads it. And, on a petty note, run the spell checker (I'd hate to see something so important have little errors!)

[penguinsoda]

I don't know your mom, and I have no way to get into her head, or know exactly what kind of a relationship you two have, but from what little you have posted here it sounds to me like your mom might be more accepting and understanding than you think. You said one very strong memory was when she said if when you got older if you still wanted to be a girl that you could look into it. Granted, it might of just been a way to appease you at the time, and she might not of ever thought that it would actually come up.

Then again... people usually don't make statements like that unless they can follow up on them.

I'm not saying your mom will be totally cool with the idea right off the bat. Even if deep down she will accept the change, it still will take some adjustment on her part. It will take some deep soul searching, some time going through all the emotions just like when someone you love dies. But in the end, hopefully she will come to realize that weather or not you are her son or her daughter.... you are still you... no matter what choice you make, you will always be her child.

Neither of you can do this alone. But if you have faith, trust and patience with each other, you can make it across. Its not going to be easy, and its not going to happen overnight. But it can happen.

The most important thing is to be true to yourself. This is something you have struggled with all of your life. Its not something you have decided to do on a whim. That means you most of all have to trust yourself, to know that this is what you have to do for you. Even if no one else believes..... never ever give up faith in yourself and what you know in your heart is the right thing to do for you.

You still have a lot of pain ahead of you and there is no way to get around that. But you will get past it....you will find peace in your future, just give yourself and your family the time to make the transition with you.

And remember, even if it takes them longer to get behind you and your decision, you still must hold your head up, look yourself in the mirror and remind yourself who you are really doing this for... and thats you.

[aashee]

I tend to agree with the in person thing will be a lot more effective. I wish you all the best.

[dsnylndmom]

Originally Posted by pratt55

Wow, as a mom it breaks my heart that you are worried that your parents will not accept you for who you are. I hope and pray that they will and that you have the courage to allow them the opportunity to experience your true desires.

I can't speak for anyone other than myself but what you are does not matter to me as long as you are who you are and if becoming a woman is who you are then you have my support.

I am sending you lots and lots of hugs.

I would like to echo everything Pratt has said, I couldn't say it better. Good luck in your journey and I hope you decide to speak to your mom in person

[DisneyIPresume]

You need to tell her in person. She probably won't understand and may never will. But it gets all your feelings out into the open which is better than keeping them all bottled up inside.

[Max Fischer]

You can make bullet points and go down the list reading them, but don't give her a letter. That is how I tell people that I got them preggo, and it works great there, but not in this case.

Also, as for her reaction, hope for the best, and plan for the worst. Also, you should get in touch with your local GLBT groups, they can provide great supports.

Best of luck.