From Friday March 31st, through Monday April the fourth I was visiting Walt Disney World to celebrate Twenty years of Mitch Magic (part of the happiest homecoming on earth) So I decided to re-post a trip report I had on my Livejournal and Myspace. Enjoy the adventures in Disney World that only my family could have had. I must warn you...I may offend some with this report..but most likely not.
On Friday we had to leave my mother's house at ungodly hours. Namely six A.M in order to get to the Fresno Airport to catch our flight. During the security check my insulin pump caused the metal detector to go off. I told the security that's why it beeped but they still needed to pat me down to make sure I wasn't a terrorist. I swear they were within five seconds of giving me a full cavity search when the man who had his hands thrusted in my crotch area said. "Ok, you can go now". Without a hitch we boarded the plane and set off for the L.A. Airport. In an hour we were there. From L.A. it was a five hour flight to Orlando and all the Disney Magic heald within. Mother sat in the aisle next to us, where she promptly made friends with a woman on the flight sitting in her row who was from the mountainous northern regions of the central valley. She was there to spend time in Disney World with her daughter, Mother also made friends with the vaugely homosexual flight attendant who was wowed by my mother's almost hypnotic control over her children. My littlest sister Molly went to the bathroom and came back with a hot fudge sundae. Apparently the first class was getting served sundaes. My sister being the precocious and adoreable little sprite she is went to the bathroom and while waiting stole the heart of a man in the first class. My mother and myself duly noted that at age five, my sister has control of men..She is a force to be reckoned with. After the flight (which had a terrible Meryl Streep/Uma Thurman movie about Uma dating a much younger man, which appealed to my mother who is the Self Proclaimed MILF-of-the-year Six years running). We landed in Orlando. There we deboarded the plane, which gave my legs a break from being wedged in the small spaced of the plane. After picking up our luggage at the baggage claim we hailed a taxi to take us to our hotel: Disney's Carribbean Beach Hotel Suiting that the taxi driver was of the Carribbean islands. At the Hotel we quickly checked in and made reservations for dining during our trip (an overly excited lady named Jennifer helped us with this, her and I talked about the College Intern Program, and Disneyland Versus Disney World) and paid for park hopped passes, which were on our room keys. They were not only our room keys, they were also park tickets, and a credit card to charge to our room. The Bellhop was nice enough to drive us to our room (instead of us having to wait for a bus, as we learned soon the buses were a royal pain in the ***). We soon set about to getting aquainted with the resort. Macy and I walked a bit on the resort's personal beach and sat on a hammock while we watched the searchlights from Disney M.G.M. Studios and the Epcot spaceship earth. I also pointed out some constalations for her. It was a real bonding moment. Soon we got on the first of many buses during our trip. However this one didn't go to Downtown Disney as we thought it would. My mother...cussing like a sailor blamed me. We ended up back at the Hotel, where we ate Dinner at a resteraunt in the pool/food court area. It was really nice and our server was really attentive. She was an adoreable older japanese woman who put a candel in my desert cheesecake and wished me a happy birthday. I ate a Salmon BLT for dinner, might I add it was Muy Delicious. After that dinner delight we walked back on the beaches bathed in soft moonlight to our room. We caught some fireworks from the Epcot area. Then went to Sleep, tommorow was to be a big day.
We woke up and took a Bus to Disney M.G.M. Studios. The bus system at the parks are a bitch to deal with. It took us about a half hour to catch a bus. We expected to get there before nine AM to reap the benefits of Extra Magic Hours early entry. But we got there just minutes before opening. Bleh to that. Mother rented a stroller for little Molly. While My sisters and I went to a nearby gift shop to purchase an electronic computer peice of magic lovingly coined "Pal Mickey". This little joy buzzer I think is set to tell Disney where exactly you are on Park Property at all times. However I found it to be adoreable. As we went from area to area of the park the little bugger would vibrate (Sometimes this would be alarming), and giggle to tell us he had something to say. He then would tell us some trivia about the attractions at hand. we moved up towards the reprehensible Giant Sorcerer Mickey hat that blocked the veiw of the Mann's Chinese Theatre replication at the end of the street. There we quickly got in line to see Lilo from Lilo and Stitch. She was totally hula dancing to Elvis when we saw her. That made me smile. From there we ate a quick breakfast at the A.B.C. Commisary amongst dive bombing birds that somehow got into the building, props from Lost And oversized posters of the skanks from Desperate Housewives The Background Music was a mix of the themes to clasic ABC shows such as I Dream of Jeannie, Barnaby Jones,The Partridge Family, and Kojak. After Breakfast we jaunted over to The Great Movie Ride where I saw Ann Margret's handprints, complete with divatastic fingernails. On the ride we enjoyed a mariyad of Movie scenes brought to life with the miracle of Audio Animatronics. We saw a Mary Poppins,Tarzan (with Johnny Weismuler and Maureen O Sullivan, not Disney's Tarzan), Alien (with a scary Sigourney Weaver Audio Animatronic that was scarier than the Alien Audio Animatronic) and my personal gay man faveourite, The Wizard of Oz With a realistic Wicked Witch Audio Animatronic.The ending made me crack up when they played the classic "Buckle your seatbelts..its going to be a bumpy night" line. From this ride we went to The Voyage of the Little Mermaid Where we were wowed by black light puppetry, lazer lights, and numerous special effects straight from 1991 when the attraction premeired. We wandered abouts and went into some lacklustre Narnia exhibit that was special only because you get to walk through a replication of the famous wardrobe and get to see the White Witch, however you don't get to greet the White Witch, like you do at Disneyland. So I felt kinda gyped. We then stood in line to see some characters. Such as Jojo and Goliath from JoJo's Circus,and Daisy Duck. Daisy Duck was totally a flirt. She saw my "It's my Birthday" pin and tapped me on my shoulder as she got on some steps and kissed me on my cheek. We then saw Mickey Mouse for the first time in a character greeting area for him. I must say this Mickey was really reacting to the guests. I saw him with a baby and he was totally hugging the baby and tickling it's feet and making the baby coo. Then there was this little boy who totally was tickling Mickey and playing with his nose..and Mickey let him. Then we got up there and my Little Sister Molly went straight to him and hugged him like there was no tommorow. Then Mickey saw that I was wearing my Birthday pin and gave ME a big hug. Then took my autograph book and wrote "Happy Birthday, love your pal, Mickey Mouse" I gotta say, that was some magical Disney experience for me. We then took to the Backlot tour, Which wasn't very special except for seeing the spaceship from Flight of the Navigator, Numerous props from both History of the World Part I and A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum As well as props from Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy which was a little extra special because my sister Macy and I previously watched that movie the other day. I enjoyed the Catastrophe Canyon Section of the tour, as did my sister's who began enjoying explosions on this trip for some unforseen reason. They also loved seeing numerous Love Bugs peppered throughout the tour. After this we explored the Honey I Shrunk the Kids Movie Set Adventure Where they slid on blades of gras and took their picture on a chirping Ant. Mother of course found this as an oppertunity to visit a cocktail bar. I swear she found every one on Disney Property. We moved on To Muppet Vision 3-d, and after that went shopping until we could get seated at the Brown Derby resteraunt. Around here Molly was out like a light. My family and I shared a nice meal, and got to rest our feet from the long day that was before us. Around desert time the handsome and charming waitor that was attentively serving us (I beleive his name was Jason) brought up a giant cake that said "Happy Birthday Mitch" Apparently whilst we were on Muppetvision, mother ordered the cake for me. Which was a nice touch if I do say so myself. We ate dinner enjoyed the cake. And then went off to explore the Sunset Boulevard section of the park before heading to Fantasmic,of course Mother arrainged to make us almost miss our pre-set seating by having to go on Rock'n' Roller coaster, surprisingly we didn't miss it, and we had front row seats too boot.Mother bought Molly and Macy and I the expected glowing toys to entertain ourselves with at the night time spectaculars. Mine was a nifty black light neon string machine that twisted in many different ways. It's really hard to explain beyond calling it a String-a-ma-jig. Fantasmic was all I expected it to be and more. Considering this was my first time seeing Fantasmic Live. Might I add that during the Princess float's section we yelled things such as "Prince Eric is wearing glittery pants", and "woo hoo he's hot" which caused Prince Eric to look Ariel in the eyes and kinda chuckle that "Damnation I don't know if I can hold this laugh in" kind of laugh. So I am proud to say, we caused Disney characters to break character. After Fantasmic we began to head out of the park. When I noticed my test kit was missing. We ran to guest relations and looked for the Lost and Found. It wasn't found. So we took a Cab to the nearest Walgreens and I had to buy a new tester. Which I thought would be over two hundred dollars. In which case I found it to only cost ten dollars. So I have to thank all that is good that my trip was not ruined. However, It was another chance for my mother to cuss me out. We quickly went to Downtown Disney from there where we shopped...and ate some fattening baked goods. Then we went to bed. Until around Four A.M. When Macy woke up complaning of stomach cramps. Mother of course freaks out and calls an ambulance. Around five A.M. they return when it turns out it was just Gas, But Mom and Macy got a quick trip on one of the rarest rides in Disney World. The Disney Paramedic to the Disney Hospital. Of course they eventually came back, and mom told me how she was flirting with one of the paramedics that she deemed "cute"... we all eventually went Back to sleep until around eleven. We quickly got up and started our next day.
We arrive at the park near noon and hungry. So we make our way to the plaza resteruant which seemed like a nice place to eat. However it took us forever to actually get our food. Which wasn't bad because we were entertained by streetmosphere characters that reminded me of Hello Dolly Meets the Pick-a-little ladies from the Music Man. They applauded my birthday and proclaimed the Ralston family as the hundredth family served at the Plaza resteraunt that day. We were given a congradulatory desert, and a free picture of them with us posed around a "certificate of merit" awarded to us. I must say that was some nice entertainment. As they circled the room gossiping and talking about Main Street U.S.A. They told me I could get a nice flat on center street, and a job as a broom boy at the harmony barber shop. I enjoyed that most of all. We then entered Tommrowland and rode the Peoplemover type attraction, and Stitch's Great Escape which was fun however I did not enjoy the Chili dog burp effect. However I did love having Stitch play with my hair and spit on me, that was some inspired Disney magic there. We moved on to Fantasyland where we witnessed the magic that is Mickey's Philharmagic I loved the amusing concert posters along the queue such as "Hades sings Torch songs", or "The Genie sings the blues", inside the attraction we experienced one of the best three D movies i've seen in a long time. I'm not a fan of Three D, but this movie had everything from water effects, to smell effects. to an audio animatronic Donald Duck butt as he crashed through the wall. I loved it, and especially because it may be named "Mickey's" Philharmagic"..it was a Donald-centric attraction. And I love my Donald Duck. We left Fantasyland to enter Liberty Square, where we rode the Haunted Mansion the first time. As I enjoyed it, I found it needed a major renovation, I could tell how the stretch room paintings worked. I also could tell where the projection for Madame Leota was. However I love the Haunted Mansion..and I didn't in the least get discouraged by this. I especially loved the new Leota Tombstone. As it opened it's eyes and looked out at me. After this we wandered through Fronteirland and noticed the waits for rides were not our cup of tea. So we returned to our hotel for a nap. Which was much needed as that night was Extra Magic Hours and we expected to be in the park until at least two in the morning. We ended up sleeping for an hour, then we made our way to the Hotel's food court where we enjoyed what I reffered to as the perfect pizza. it's crust was baked just right to allow for maximum crunchyness, the cheese was melted just right not too hot to burn the tounge and not cold either, there was a perfect cheese to sauce ratio, and each peice had the same amount of pepperoni's with each slice perfectly cut to be of equal size. It was not only delicious...it was perfect. So we soon made our way to the park with our belly's full, my mom having enough Beer in her to make her content with the normally dry magic kingdom, and us fully rested for more hours in the park. We first stop off at Adventureland, where we get in line for The Magic Carpets of Aladidn, which was a fun ride, much more fun than a rip off of Dumbo or the Astro Orbiter, this ride actually goes up and down and back and forth. We then go on the Jungle Cruise, which I find would have been better than the Disneyland version if it had the Piranah section, the exploding section of the Gorilla camp scene, and the baby Elephant squirting along the Trader Sam scene. But I did enjoy the Temple section. Around here we set out to see the nine o clock Spectromagic parade. We didn't have to wait long to see it. And we staked out a good seat. I loved the parade inspite of the creepy glowing mardi gras creatures. I especially loved the Giant Chernabog float. As well as the Disney Cavalcade float, which featured snow white, all the dwarves, the villians, and even Mr. Smee. After this Mother attempts to get us to get closer to the castle for the fireworks. I make a stop at the Madame Leota themed souveneir cart and buy a Haunted Mansion Hitchhiking Ghost hat that embarasses my mom, as well as cute Haunted Mansion tee Shirt, and a Souveneir License Plate that says "Doom Bgy". My little Sister Macy buys me a Haunted Mansion Maid Minnie Mouse to go with my gravedigger haunted mansion mickey. We end up in a traffic nightmare in front of the castle..but we did get to see most of Wishes, which was beautiful. Not as good as the fiftieth aniversary Disneyland fireworks..but it had it's charms. We made our way to Tommorowland to see if we can get on Space Mountain without a lengthy wait. To no avail. The line was all the way around the Buzz Lightyear Building. So we decided to lump it. And after getting a smoked Turkey leg (which tasted more like ham) and some soda. We ended up back in Fantasyland. Where we were able to go on the Mad Teacups with little to no wait. We then went on The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh, and Snow White's Scary Adventures with absolutely no wait thanks to the Extra Magic Hours benefits. After that we decided "hey why not" and got on "It's a Small World" which I found had it's own version of the Small World clock tower on the inside of the attraction, which must have been from a recent We then decided to head to Fronteirland where we rode Big Thunder in the pitch dark that is night. On the way back I noticed no wait for the haunted mansion. Me being the Haunted Mansion freak I am I decided to go on it. My little sister Molly was traumatized by it last time so she and my mother opted to not go on it. Which was ok. Becuase While there my sister and I had a most...ghoulish encounter. While we were standing in line to get on our doom buggies we noticed an older gentelman with a cane sitting in a doom buggy in the area where the doom buggies first enter the room before they reach the loading area. Now as you are aware most of the time no one is allowed on Doom Buggies in that area. Especially someone who is not a cast member. Anyways this was distracting to me, so when the line moved I was still watching the doom buggy.. To which my sister informed me that we were holding up the line. In the split second it took her to "remind" me to move, and the time my gaze returned to the doom buggy, the man was gone. Now I of course thought "maybe he got off while I wasn't looking" but really the man looked like he was in his late sixties to early seventies and with his cane...well he couldn't have just hopped out of a doom buggy in a split second. So yeah. I was a little creeped out during that trip through the Mansion. However it was spiffy to have a close encounter with a ghost in the mansion. After that we decided to end our day by riding Peter Pan's Flight which had a better flight over london scene than at Disneyland..however the rest of the ride was lacking a certain je ne sais qua that the Disneyland version has in droves. We ended up back at our Hotel at about three in the morning. Which we ended up falling fast asleep.
After waking up my mother and two tired sisters with a bombardment of Classic Donald Duck and Mickey Mouse cartoons blaring full volume on the resort television. We got dressed and ready and took the long bus ride out to Disney's Animal Kingdom. Again I reinstate my distaste of the Disney Bus System. As our bus had to make a stop at the Blizard Beach Water park. As it was we had to wait an ungodly amount of time to get the bus in the first place, even then it was crowded and my family and myself ended up standing room only. But I digress. Let's just say next trip to Disney World..We're renting a car. Anyways, I was semi-antsy to get there soon becuase we had reservations for a character breakfast at Donald's Breakfast-osauras, as stated before. I love Donald Duck. In fact a little known fact is that Donald Duck is my Faveourite Disney Character. So in short haste we arrived at the Animal Kingdom, with about thirty minutes until our timeslot for the breakfast. So we did the usual. Got a stroller for Molly, got a sweater at a gift shop for Macy. Then there right in front of me..was Stitch. The little blue alien bugger that i've been looking for all week. Suffice to say I had him in my autograph book. Mother thought it'd be a good idea to let Macy get an overpriced hair wrap at the last minute when we had to be accross the park in less than five minutes. Which set me at Uber-Antsy mode. Surprisingly we made it in time. The breakfast was a little better than standard Character Breakfast fare, in all of it's artiery clogging glory. I didn't approve of our breakfast beverages being served in styrofoam cups whilst other tables in our vicinity had plastic resteraunt cups. But again, I'll spare you a rant. I liked the breakfast, and I saw my faveourite Cartoon Duck. However they weren't as interactive as characters I saw in the park, and as interactive as the characters we saw at the Disneyland Hotel's Character Breakfast (home of the Mary Poppins who knew what Libby Lu was, and the Goofy that in the most charming manner called my mother a witch and told me I was fat.) However, it was an experience. The Waitor that served us mentioned offhandedly to my sisters that they were there to celebrate their father's birthday. Sadly this wasn't the first... Nor the second Cast Member at the park to mistake me for the father of our family unit. Do I really look like i'm old enough to have fathered an eleven year old and a five year old? Hell do I seriously look straight enough to have fathered a child as it is?
After that we got on Countdown to Extinctio...errm I mean Dinosaur a motion based simulator ride very much like Indianna Jones at Disneyland...only with Dinosaurs. It was here that my "It's my Birthday" Pin that I had worn proudly throughout the trip fell off and into the neither regions of the ride. As well as the Safari hat that was to replace the "Vacation Goin' Hat" that no longer fit me, fell off my mother's head and was lost forever somewhere in the Cretacious period. This was a most comical ride for us because although little Molly was big enough to safely ride the ride...she was not prepared for the terror of Audio Animatronic Dinosaurs roaring in her face. For most of the ride she was screaming in abject terror. Might I add before we got on she was complaining of having to pee...yeah I think that ride took care of that for her. I don't blame her. Most of that Ride was in complete darkness...and Dinosaurs are freaking scary as it is.
After that we explored Dinoland a little more. We soon snaked our way to calmer pastures in the Africa section of the park. Seeing that there was an hour long wait for Killamanjaro Safari's we quickly got a fast pass (in a time slot about an hour and a half later). Mother-Being my mother- was complaining of sore feat and a thirst that only Liquor can cure. So while I took my sister's to another Zoo-ish attraction Pangani Forest Exploration Trail She sat around and watched African Tribesmen dancing their native dance, to the pulsing rythm of the jungle drums.. While in the Exploration Trail we saw Hippos, we saw naked mole rats, we caught jungle fever, and in the most thrilling moment... We saw Gorrilas, upclose and personal. I swear these Gorrila's were hamming it up for us and posing. Of course Little Molly fresh from her recent cinematic exposure to King Kong. Referred to the gorrila's as Kong. After that we found Mother (after searching through a crowd of course). There was still around an hour left before we could use our fast passes. So we walked towards the Asia section. On the way there Mother noticed a clump of Vines on a lamp post moving. "Mitch that vine is moving". She informed me. In seconds the "Vine" was walking around on stilts, and doing things utterly ungodly such as putting her leg over her head, still wearing said stilts. We had our first- but not last- run in with "De-vine".
While in Asia we used a delightfully themed restroom and cooled down in some fountains before entering the Maharajah Jungle Trek, where we were delighted to see Big *** Fruit bats, and Tigers. Did I mention we saw Big *** fruit bats? Because we did...and they were HUGE. The Tigers weren't as visible as the Gorillas but that's allright. Gorillas are cooler anyway. During the trip Mother had taken up a new hobby. Which was collecting exotic flowers off of trees and putting them in her hair. However she was not aware that certain birds in the aviary part of the attraction feed off of the delicious nectar in said flowers. This lead to a hillarious scene as a vicious bird dive bombed my mother as she exited the attraction. Thereby scaring her tp near death. After that we decided to go back to the Africa section of the Park. It was about ten minutes to our fast pass time.. Which as we all know meant mother had an extra ten minutes to get schnockered.I took this moment to take Little Molly to meet Baloo and King Louie. I must say those characters where quite fun to watch. King Louie stole a gorilla doll from a little girl and danced with it. Then he attempted to sit in a stroller. After which he chased a twelve year old girl around trying to kiss her. Molly is not shy with characters. She walked straight up to Baloo and hugged him tight. Then she hugged King Louie. Then we took adoreable pictures. Then I took adoreable pictures. Then Baloo signed my autograph book. Then we left. Back at the bar we picked up Mother and went on Killamanjaro Safari's. I must say that was the highpoint of our Animal Kingdom visit. We saw numerous animals up close and personal. Including Lions and Elephants. In fact one large Elephant was taking an enormous Bowl Movement right when we went through. To which our tour guide added "Isn't that magical".After a few more exciting run in's with some exciting live african beasts. We went through the "Ride" part of the attraction. An un-needed scenario of rediculous fodder about poachers and a baby elephant and some crap like that. "Yawn".
After our thrilling safari (and me dropping our digital camera before loading the safari vehicle causing the Sim card to fly out and get lost in the hustle and thereby losing many of our vacation pictures.) We decided then to leave the park and go to Epcot which as my little sister Molly refers to as "Apricot Center"
When we got to Epcot it was nearly deserted. After a snafu with my sister Macy's ticket (apparently the clerk at the hotel forgot to make it have park hopper priveleges) We went on Spaceship Earth With no wait. I loved that ride. In all of it's Kitschy Glory circa 1981, it really had an impacting message of hope, and renewal, and commuications.. and it basically said the Internet was the way to world peace. If we all stopped using it to look at porn. After that Jeremy Irons-narrated expereince we lunched at some godforsaken "futuristic" fast food joint. Then I took Macy and Molly to see characters. Again Molly was not shy with the oversized fur suited fellas. I must give Kudos to Meeko. That little Racoon was TOTALLY in character. He stole our pen and played Keep away with it from Molly for about five minutes...then gave in to her hugging. After visiting with Minnie and Chip and Dale we hopped on Journey into your imagination with Figment Mother hated this ride. Molly and Macy Loved it. While in line (there again was virtually no wait) I noticed a reference to "The Computer wore tennis shoes" which cracked me up. I must say I love Figment. After this we left for the living seas which we didn't have the patience to explore much after we found Nemo, and mother wasn't allowed to pet a sting ray. So we left for the World Showcase.
There we toured the world in about two and a half hours. Went on a boat ride through Mexico. We can go through boat rides through mexico here in California so the novelty wasn't quite there for me... However, might I add that El Rio Del Tiempo is like It's a Small World as redirected by Tim Burton's Mexican Cousin. We wandered about. Went to Norway where we saw Trolls, vikings, polar bears, Odin,oil rigs,...and cute norwegian boys. I bought some cologne that smells wonderfully sexy. From there we went to Germany, and the model trains, italy and the gondolas. Japan and the Japanese department store...and Geishas. we saw the French people smoking, we saw the english people drinking. We went by Canada and my sister got a leather braclet burnt for her (the cast member doing the burning was a cutie and he was totally flirting with me...charmed I was)
We did our fair share of walking. So much so that by the time we returned to the mexico pavilion for dinner, we were all very crabby...and very tired. However we had time enough to enjoy the antics of a family of ducks.
A little rested from Dinner we staked out our claim of veiwing for Illuminations We had seen our fair share of Fireworks so far in the trip...but this show was amazing. I mean sure it had a trite message of world unification, and equality of the countries, and the brotherhood of man. We all went through that ad nauseum in "it's a small world". But this was astounding...also it had big explosions, lasers and fireworks shot inches from our faces. After that adventure we truged back to our hotels, where mother packed our bags,and I ordered a wake up call...and a taxi cab. Then we all went to sleep.
We woke up around six to a wake up call with the loveable blue alien Stitch telling us "No Sleepy" after meeting with the taxi, going to the airport, flying to LA, watching Nanny Mcphee on the flight, drinking diet pepsi from a can from Japan, having a flight attendant check me out, and landing in LA. We had to wait another hour for a belated flight due to bad weather. On the flight back to Fresno it was dreadfully turbulent, the kind of turbulence where you drop a few feet randomly in a small free fall..yeah that kind. Luckily we had an adoreable Asian flight attendant who made me smile with her bubbly nature.
We eventually returned home..be it ever so humble.