Page 1 of 5 1234 ... LastLast
Results 1 to 15 of 75
  1. #1

    • Fish Food
    • Offline

    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    Texas
    Posts
    93

    The Jungle Cruise from Hell

    This story is a year old, but it's a good one, and it's true. I wrote it not long after it happened and I always intended to to rewrite it and clean it up and clarify a few things. Well, that never happened, so I am posting it as I wrote it originally.

    Tuesday, April 18, 2006
    The Jungle Cruise from Hell

    As most of you know, I just returned from Walt Disney World Resort. We had a GREAT time, but I wanted to share one of the more interesting and perhaps not so great moments of the trip. Or was it? I haven't decided.

    Paul had some things to finish up at MGM and I wanted to hit a few rides at the Magic Kingdom, so on our last day I rode the Jungle Cruise as a party of one. I was first on the boat, which meant that I got to walk all the way around the center boxes and up to the front next to the boat captain. As I approached he asked me how I was doing today. "A little wobbly" I replied as I took careful steps across the rocking boat. "Have you been drinking?" he asked, "Unfortunately, no. Have you?" I joked. "No," he replied sadly. I sympathized, "That's too bad."

    He seemed pretty cool and I was going to continue by joking, "maybe the ride would be funnier if you had," but in the moment, I couldn't get the phrasing right and the words never came out. In retrospect, I'm REALLY glad they didn't.

    The cruise started normally enough, the captain - we'll call him Joe - was dark headed, 22ish and really pretty cute. He was rambling through the usual lame Jungle Cruise jokes. Up at the front, I could only hear half of what he was saying because the speakers were positioned farther down the boat and not pointed in my direction. Apparently the rest of the boat couldn't hear him either, or they didn't speak English, or they just didn't care. I think our roster was comprised of all of the above.

    After a while with little to no response, Joe started to get irritated with us. At first it was the usual jokes about us being boring and are we asleep, ha ha, you know, ha ha. But then it started to get more intense. Joe perched himself up on the nearest center box and the comments started to get more pointed and rude. I would share them with you, but with me toward the aft and the speakers pointed bow (and Joe's 'aft' facing me) I could only hear bits and pieces.

    After his spiel, Joe turned around and slammed his microphone onto the boat. He shortly picked it up again and said, "This is the part where I ask you if you think it's a good idea to go into this cave, but you won't respond anyway so we're going in." SLAM - the microphone met the aft of the boat with force. He reclaimed the mic and said, "I'm going to quit my job tomorrow and it's going to be ALL YOUR FAULT." SLAM

    This went on and on with him making comments and throwing the mic onto the floor and/or front of the boat. I think he threw some other items into the floor as well, but at the point I was getting caught up in the surrealness of it all. I was also trying to figure out how I could take video of this without him strangling me and throwing me overboard. I never did find a solution to that, but he was too close to get on video anyway.

    As we emerged from the cave, he told a story about how the night before he had a group and when he asked where they were from they didn't respond. He looked at the family across from me as he said this and the little girl said, "Venezuela." Bless her heart, she didn't understand, but this really pissed off Joe. He said sarcastically, "I wasn't asking where YOU were from, I was telling YOU a story!" At this point Joe turned his back to them and his front, eyes and focus directly toward me, "Anyway, that group didn't respond - a lot like you all (waving his hand at the boat), and I asked them if they were from a place where people don't respond. Then I found out that they were deaf. I felt SO bad."

    "I bet you did," I replied to his face.

    Joe turned toward the rest of the boat and his tirade intensified. "But they were deaf. They had a reason for not responding." His words were dripping with sarcasm. Joe went on and on, much of this I couldn't hear, but some of what I did catch, "Maybe you all have just had a long day," a voice from the back said, "It's the lines, man - they're so long."

    Joe responded, "Yeah, standing in line all day is such hard work."
    "You get to ride on a boat all day," the brave voice piped up.
    Growing ever more angry, Joe quipped, "Yeah, since eight o'clock this morning I have been riding this boat in circles saying the same thing over and over and over again." SLAM! There went the microphone again, and a pen, and a few other items.

    As we approached the dock he said something I couldn't hear and then "crap. But crap is not a (quote fingers) Disney (/quote fingers) word, so I can't say crap, In fact if my manager heard me say crap I would probably be fired on the spot, so I really shouldn't say "crap."

    "Then why do you keep saying it?" that same brave voice emerged from the back. I wish I remembered his response to this. Things got a bit chaotic at this point. We were at the dock and people were starting to disembark. Joe said, "I know! You all meant to go to the Hall of Presidents! That's a boring ride!"
    "That will be more fun," another disembodied voice floated up from the horde waiting to get off the boat. Joe, clearly pissed, leapt up on the boxes and pointed at the man and screamed, "Did you say that would be more fun!? DID YOU?" A group of heads pasted with uncomfortable smiles vigorously shook no.

    As the line shrank, some people on the far side of the boat, no doubt anxious to leave ASAP, stepped over the center boxes as a shortcut. Joe yelled, "Please don't step over the center boxes!"
    Joe was ignored.
    "Do not step over the center boxes!" At that point, he grabbed his gun and started firing blanks into the air. BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG! "Do not step over the center boxes!" BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG.
    There was a pause in the center box stepping and then another group opted for the quickest path off the boat. "DO NOT STEP OVER THE CENTER BOXES!" BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG!

    At this point I was making my way around the back of the boat, God forbid I step over the center boxes. I looked up and the two cast members working the dock exit area both looked stunned. As the first person on, I was the last one off, and Joe saw fit to accelerate the boat before I made it all the way onto the dock. Thankfully I made it unscathed. The boat was in full speed and it was iffy for a moment.

    The quotes in this story are paraphrased, but most are pretty accurate and none are exaggerated. Joe was obviously trying to get fired. Fortunately for us, we got to take the brunt of his abuse in that endeavor. It was a decidedly very UN-Disney experience, but it was an interesting one - very much a train wreck. I considered reporting him, but A. that was what he wanted and B. The Jungle Cruise was 20 times more entertaining than it had ever been. Thanks Joe! I imagine by now, you are getting to work at six o'clock in the morning flipping the same burgers over and over and over again. Good luck with all that.

  2. #2

    • Minion
    • Offline

    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Posts
    4,291

    Re: The Jungle Cruise from Hell

    What the @#$%?! You know he could've got sued if he had injured you in the process of speeding his boat.
    ~ Tokyo DisneySea’s Arabian Coast at nighttime ~


  3. #3

    • Knight that says Nee!!
    • Offline

    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Location
    Northern CA
    Posts
    2,647

    Re: The Jungle Cruise from Hell

    Wow...I mean...just wow. Jungle Cruise meets Apocalypse Now. I'm glad you survived to tell the tale.

  4. #4

    • Hello there
    • Offline

    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Location
    winter wonderland
    Posts
    3,892
    Blog Entries
    2

    Re: The Jungle Cruise from Hell

    cool.
    Fratsor Sister - Delta Mu Chi Alpha

    ΔΜΧΑ

  5. #5

    • Banned User
    • Offline

    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    Florida
    Posts
    2,624

    Re: The Jungle Cruise from Hell

    sounds like joe was having areally bad day. wonder if he got in trouble for something earlier or was just board with the same spiel. still he didn't have the right to take it out on you. I feel sorry for the boatride after you. I think you did the right thing in not reporting him. wonder why he wanted to get fired and not just quit.

  6. #6

    • Just_Jim in VMK
    • Offline

    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    Charlotte, NC
    Posts
    832

    Re: The Jungle Cruise from Hell

    I do believe that Joe has some issues.
    --Just_Jim



  7. #7

    • Member
    • Offline

    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    New Jersey & Winter Park, FL
    Posts
    479

    Re: The Jungle Cruise from Hell

    Wow, half way through reading the story I had to scroll to the bottom to see if this was a joke or not! Guess Joe woke up on the wrong side of the bed that morning...

  8. #8

    • Senior Minion
    • Offline

    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    Just around the riverbend
    Posts
    8,057

    Re: The Jungle Cruise from Hell

    I too thought that this was some long joke, but was surprised to see it was indeed true. Even though something like this might have made the ride more interesting I hope it NEVER happens to me.


  9. #9

    • golly gawrrsh
    • Offline

    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Location
    Toronto, Canada
    Posts
    219

    Re: The Jungle Cruise from Hell

    all i can say is video tape and youtube

    the guy would be crucified for sure
    șoș Sometimes Patrick, sometimes Karen.
    We'll let you decided who types what șoș

  10. #10

    • The Darkness to Light
    • Offline

    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Posts
    2,557

    Re: The Jungle Cruise from Hell

    Or it would make the situation worse if he was so pissed off that he would throw the camera overboard.

    I'm left rather speachless after reading that. I knew being a Jungle Cruise Skipper was bound to be a boring job (they even have a joke about it), but damn!

  11. #11

    • Closed Account
    • Offline

    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    Orlando
    Posts
    661

    Re: The Jungle Cruise from Hell

    i can understand "Joes" plight. you see being a skipper is NOT as great as it once was. The guests just plain SUCK. The guest dynamic had changed so much in the past 10 years that cruises are no longer fun. They either dont get it, arent into it, or sleep. ESPECIALLY after 330, when everyones blood sugar drops to unprcendednted levels and we end up driving boats for zombies. After 330 no matter WHAT you do its IMPOSSIBLE to get a raction from a boat. So i can understand. If we see a boat that is OBVIOSULY full of dead weight and dosent want to be there, then we WILL make fun of you, insult, and do the most annyoing cruise ever.

  12. #12

    • Feeling LOVED
    • Offline

    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    la la land
    Posts
    1,300

    Re: The Jungle Cruise from Hell

    WOW!!!!!....just WOW
    HEARTS CLUB !!

  13. #13

    • GO DBACKS!!
    • Offline

    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Location
    PhotoRadar Hell
    Posts
    3,195

    Re: The Jungle Cruise from Hell

    Quote Originally Posted by JCSkipr79 View Post
    i can understand "Joes" plight. you see being a skipper is NOT as great as it once was. The guests just plain SUCK. The guest dynamic had changed so much in the past 10 years that cruises are no longer fun. They either dont get it, arent into it, or sleep. ESPECIALLY after 330, when everyones blood sugar drops to unprcendednted levels and we end up driving boats for zombies. After 330 no matter WHAT you do its IMPOSSIBLE to get a raction from a boat. So i can understand. If we see a boat that is OBVIOSULY full of dead weight and dosent want to be there, then we WILL make fun of you, insult, and do the most annyoing cruise ever.
    You are joking right? Do you really mean to say that if the guests doesn't make the ride fun for YOU that you get to act rude to the guests?


    It wasn't me, it was Lisa!

  14. #14

    • itty bitty
    • Offline

    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Location
    The sun shines wherever I go
    Posts
    9,632
    Blog Entries
    29

    Re: The Jungle Cruise from Hell

    Quote Originally Posted by JCSkipr79 View Post
    i can understand "Joes" plight. you see being a skipper is NOT as great as it once was. The guests just plain SUCK. The guest dynamic had changed so much in the past 10 years that cruises are no longer fun. They either dont get it, arent into it, or sleep. ESPECIALLY after 330, when everyones blood sugar drops to unprcendednted levels and we end up driving boats for zombies. After 330 no matter WHAT you do its IMPOSSIBLE to get a raction from a boat. So i can understand. If we see a boat that is OBVIOSULY full of dead weight and dosent want to be there, then we WILL make fun of you, insult, and do the most annyoing cruise ever.
    Good luck keeping your job then buddy!
    "I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it. "Groucho Marx

  15. #15

    • Closed Account
    • Offline

    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    Orlando
    Posts
    661

    Re: The Jungle Cruise from Hell

    we dont act flat out rude, its more like rude/sarcastic, EVERYONE does it.

Page 1 of 5 1234 ... LastLast

Similar Threads

  1. jungle cruise
    By Ducks in forum Disney Interactive and Game Industry Discussion
    Replies: 15
    Last Post: 04-27-2008, 12:52 PM
  2. Jungle cruise
    By 1disneynut2another in forum Disneyland Resort
    Replies: 23
    Last Post: 04-21-2007, 04:08 PM
  3. Tree Vs Jungle Boat (Jungle Cruise Injury) merged x 3
    By Trident in forum Disneyland Resort
    Replies: 79
    Last Post: 04-20-2007, 12:32 PM
  4. Help on Jungle Cruise
    By JimbobJimbo in forum Disney Interactive and Game Industry Discussion
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 08-10-2006, 07:38 PM
  5. The Jungle Cruise
    By ExJungleSkipper95 in forum Disneyland Resort
    Replies: 37
    Last Post: 05-25-2006, 06:54 PM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •