Thejoshualee's Trip report volume I: The bad

[thejoshualee]

First of all let me state that I didn’t have any fun at all. That wasn’t the point of this trip. The point of this trip was to see how well Disney World was doing. I love Disney World, but when you love something you have to point out everything wrong with it… Like I do with my wife who is, by the way, starting to put on a few pounds.
We stayed off-property at a woefully unworthy hotel. Of course they sold Disney Tickets and had a special Disney World TV channel on their undersized TV, which practically means they are Disney World. If Disney doesn’t do more to control the businesses in and around the Orlando area, then I might have to start staying at competing town’s hotels. Like Atlanta.
The Magic Kingdom, or should I say Un-magic kingdom is in a woeful state.
Big Thunder Mountain is a mess of themes that don’t mesh. What are the mud-pots and geysers of Yellowstone doing anywhere near the sandstone formations of Bryce Canyon? And there is supposed to be gold somewhere around there?
Splash Mountain is unforgivable in its current state. Yes, the animatronics were all working, but were they working enough? The answer is an obvious no.
All of Fantasyland is a disgrace. What are we telling children (who shouldn’t be there anyway)? That their dreams and stories are only a fantasy? And if it is Fantasyland, where are the fantasy elements? Where are the hobbits, Dragons, and Trolls?
The Foodstands all give the same boring food. When I was a kid we used to get space themed chicken rockets and moon burgers, now it’s just chicken strips and hamburgers. That’s a fact.

Disney-MGM studios is a joke and has been a joke from the beginning. They honestly need to bulldoze the place down and start fresh with, perhaps, a classic Disneyland ride park. Bear in the big blue house? Please. And the blemish of the muppets is forever going to taint the land round about.
Aerosmith has nothing to do with Disney. Why can’t we let some of Disney’s musicians provide music for the roller coaster?
The Tower of Terror is trying hard to make people like it by giving four supposedly unique drop sequences. But I’m so distracted that I just got off of the Rockin’ Roller coaster that I can’t imagine myself in the world of the Tower of Terror.

Epcot… poor misguided Epcot. People don’t want these “hip” “popular” rides like Test Track or Soarin. They want education like Epcot was supposed to, but leave it to Disney to break Walt’s dream like so many children’s futures.
Mission Space should be torn down. I’ve never even rode it and I know it is a disaster. The break in themeing around the world showcase is awful. I can clearly see Mexico from England and I can’t do that in real life. And the generic “Look at what’s available in my country” merchandise is a sad counterfeit to what was available when I was a kid.

Disney’s half-day Kingdom of animals isn’t even worth the half day. The supposed themeing of Africa is just an excuse to use worn down buildings and spotty construction.
Expedition Everest? More like Expedition Yawn. I have the Matterhorn thank you very much. Why does a park that pretends to be worried about animals sell meat?
Dinosaur? That’s exactly the same as Indana Jones. Same vehicles, same track layout, same animatronics, same everything. If you look close you can tell the “saropod” is really the Snake.

I’m sorry I can’t give a good report from my QA trip to Disney World, but I have some suggestions that I know will eventually be implemented. We all know Disney gets their ideas from us (me specifically)

• Use more of my ideas.
• present reality in a fantastic way
• Tear down the four parks and start from scratch

There you have it. The complete untarnished truth. If you don’t agree with me then you are obviously in the Evil Empire known as Disney management.

[almandot]

I stopped reading your post when your first complaint was based on assuming wdw's thunder mountain is based on bryce canyon.

[thejoshualee]

Oh, I have more complaints than that.


go on, read the rest.

[EPCOT]

Originally Posted by thejoshualee

Yes, the animatronics were all working, but were they working enough?

[tayakaleb]

Originally Posted by thejoshualee

Like I do with my wife who is, by the way, starting to put on a few pounds.
.

OMG- you gotta be joking, or your wife isn't on micechat!

[Xharryb]

Most amusing TR ever... this week anyway.

[Roo719]

And TGel is back in full swing.

Peace my friend!
Roo

[kirbilicious]

haha Nice report

[Hakuna Makarla]

Josh, I see some who are very unhappy with WDW and some who have nothing but nice things to say about that park. You obviously were not happy with it. I love your honesty, but I do hope you are not this harsh with your wifes weight gain

[Phonedave]

Thanks, sometimes I do need a dose of sarcasam to pull me back from the brink of becomming an uber-complainer.

-dave

[wolfy]

We've missed you....glad you are back in full force!

[penguinsoda]

See Josh...its been so loooong since we've seen a lot of quality work from you... almost everyone has forgotten about your sardonically cynical wit!!!!

[mikeland]

Florida loves you too.

[tjcjr]

your candor is frightening, amusing, unnerving and yet at the same time, oddly refreshing

[Parisi]

Thats the funniest joke tr I ever read... I cant wait for your REAL tr.