You’ve Got To Be Kidding is satire – Take a moment to relax and enjoy.
The Disney attorneys have been at it again. This time, in their tireless efforts to destroy any smidgen of fun in pursuit of perfectly protecting the Disney Corporation, they have taken on the vast catalogue of Disney songs. Following are some of the new warnings, disclosures, and disclaimers you will start seeing.
When You Wish Upon a Star
This statement in no way obligates or holds the Disney Corporation liable in the event any dreams wished upon stars do not come true.
Whistle While You Work
This approach is contraindicated for librarians, court reporters, or funeral directors.
Some Day My Prince Will Come
The definition of prince is open to various and sundry interpretations and, therefore, does not represent any guarantee that the aforementioned prince will actually have a royal title; will have clothes, appearance, or a demeanor that is anything above average; or will have the ability to carry any “princess” away from her current situation.
You Can Fly! You Can Fly! You Can Fly!
The Disney Corporation is not responsible for any and all injuries that result from thoughts that are not wonderful enough to actually allow the user to achieve flight.
The Ugly Bug Ball
This is not meant to imply that the relative beauty of one bug in relation to another bug is a reflection on any individual bug’s worth, ability, or contributions to the society of bugs as being greater or lesser than any bugs referenced specifically or by implication.
It’s a Small World
The Disney Corporation acknowledges the actual size of the world is quite immense including great girth, surface, and volume. However, it further states that it is metaphorically small, to the point that, once you hear this song, there is no where you can run, no where you can hide, no where you can escape where it will not continue to haunt you for the remainder of your days, months, or years.
Zip-a-Dee-Doo-Dah
The Disney Corporation refuses to acknowledge the existence of any intellectual properties related to this particular song that are conjectured to have existed prior to the construction of Splash Mountain, no matter what they say on Snopes.
Do You Want to Build a Snowman?
This is not an offer to construct or a solicitation of any offer to construct any ice-and-crystal formations. Offers are made only by prospectus or other offering materials. To obtain further information, you must complete our snowman-building questionnaire and meet the suitability standards required by law.
There’s a Great Big Beautiful Tomorrow
The greatness, bigness, and beautifulness of each tomorrow is not dependent upon the Disney Corporation; rather, on the individuals – no matter their skills, traits, or leadership abilities – running the country at the time this song is performed.
Colors of the Wind
The Disney Corporation does not support or in any way, shape, or form condone the use of reality-altering drugs which may result in users actually seeing colors of the wind.
Minnie’s Yoo Hoo!
This song does not represent an endorsement, approval, or support for any beverages that have existed, currently exist, or may exist in the future, no matter how cool, chocolatey, and refreshing they may be.
Yo Ho (A Pirate’s Life For Me)
Henceforth and into the future, a pirate’s life will no longer include the chasing and auctioning of women.
A Spoonful of Sugar
Taking medicines that have been enhanced with even one spoonful of sugar contributes to obesity, tooth decay, diabetes, hyperactivity, heart disease, cellular aging, gout, cognitive decline, acne, increased depression, and not feeling particularly supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.
Pink Elephants On Parade
The Disney Corporation reminds you to drink responsibly.
So, have you noticed any warnings creeping up in your favorite songs?