Mickey is turning 90 and I must say he looks pretty darn good for his age. (Here’s hoping those good looks aren’t the result of some backroom deal with Chernabog.) But, beyond those good looks, Mickey still has that happy, carefree attitude that made us fall in love with him. No offense, but that doesn’t match the attitude I’ve seen from a lot of older people. (And being an older person, I know this from personal experience.) I’m willing to bet that, behind the scenes, Mickey, like a lot of old-timers, has a few choice things to say about the world around him. Here are a few examples:
You kids stay off my Toontown!
Back in my day we didn’t have parking garages. We had to walk two miles in the snow uphill both ways to get to Disneyland.
Tweeting? The only thing I know that tweets are those useless bluebirds that hover around Cinderella.
Movies today are all junk. But I’m pitching a new one the kids are gonna love. I play Matlock.
You think Donald was hard to understand back then? You should hear him since he got his new dentures.
Those no-good scientists don’t know anything. Of course the world is flat. If it was round, I wouldn’t be able to see the other side of Toontown.
I served with Walt Disney. I knew Walt Disney. You, sir, are no Walt Disney.
Don’t talk to me about television. It all went downhill when they canceled The Mickey Mouse Club.
And don’t even start up on the “All-New” Mickey Mouse Club. All that caterwauling and shimmying around. What ever happened to the great music like Minnie’s Yoo-Hoo?
When did they start making corn dogs so spicy, churros so sweet, and my ice cream bars so cold?
You want to put in Fastpass somewhere we all need it? Restrooms!
There’s no good service anymore. I sat on the Toontown trolley for two hours and it never moved.
What a Mickey Mouse operation they’re running around here. Wait a minute. Did I just say…?
Anyone else overheard Mickey being a grumpy old man?